this is ridiculous... i look like a white version of MC Hammer...
Just spent 45mins blow drying a joint i dropped in a beer....i felt like i dropped his infant child....
Should you consider yourself out of control when everyone at the party is cheering you on while you're puking, and on the last heave you act like you're rolling dice right before the finale???
I kind of drew a blank when the doctor asked me how I got super glue up my nose.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Realistically anyone can come I don't care it's Boston what do I own boston? No. I just don't want people who are gonna give me "why are you doing that" kinda look when I take birthday shots out of my birthday babe shot glass necklace.
Day 1 of "Death of a Liver" weekend complete. It came with flashbacks of horrible mistakes I made due to alcohol. I'm excited for how Sunday is going to turn out.
There are some sad choices of men in the ER. That one was missing teeth. Not the place to find a husband.
I swear she looks like a sloth.... I'll toss a coin...
I'll get him an axe as a present. So he can break out of his closet. That axe being my penis.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So my roommate and I have a written agreement stating that if he tries to sleep with his ex girlfriend, I have to immediately intervene and nut punch him then send her on her way.
this is the most serious roommate agreement ever
future reference: when you get a text that says "WARNING: EXPLICIT PHOTOS BEING DELIVERED. VIEWERS DISCRETION IS ADVISED." you always open the attached picture.
Like I just asked Greg why I don't have a crown for my vagina. That drunk.
The Royals are in the World Series. I've never drank so much in one week in my life.
I realize my mistake but don't you dare school me in cock, young man
I’ve got a sex swing and lube, he’s not going anywhere soon
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