Ill do this for you.
You are a team player.
This is me making up for not putting my tongue inside you more.
and everytime i fart i feel like in your heart, you can hear it
Actions speak louder than words. Her actions scream crazy.
Apparently, his doctor was impressed with how well we took care of his leg. We're like the kings of naked triage.
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I should start printing out disclaimer handouts and passing them out to people saying, "I can not be held responsible for anything I say or do this evening."
So last night I kicked a beer can off of a frat guys head and it nailed one of my sisters in the face. Think i'll be brought up on standards?
Dude, on the way home the cab driver asked why you didn't bring a guy home and referred to you as "one night stand girl"
There are panties and mini bottles of Fireball in my purse. Except for the broken toe incident, I'd say last night was probably a success.
Piñatas plus fireworks don't mix well
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My roommate definitely just walked in on me playing the piano naked.
By piano you mean.....
Like literally a piano.
Ohhhh that's kind of embarrassing.
how do you always get into these "we banged the same dude now lets be friends" situations???
Look, you don't know disfunction until you've sat on the john taking a shit and crying while totally sober.
Happy hour crawl turned into power happy hour turned into tequila shots turned into I'm drunk in class on Cinco de Mayo at 7 am.
I have a horrible feeling I left my dildo in the kitchen today after washing it. This is my life.
Whatever you wanna call it i just wanna get railed tonight
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