i think i have reached a jessica simpson level of regret
spell your last name, im trying to find you on facebook
you know you're not getting laid when you start breaking awkward silences with quotes from Robot Chicken
Seriously though, we're going to drink and watch Survivor first one to puke gets voted off the island
And as far as being fat goes I just did like 20 minutes of p90x and now i'm eating frosting out of the container....
Status Uddate: I lost half a tooth and Alison is taking Amy Grant requests via bullhorn
I have cum and leaves all over me. Don't ask questions.
was I really that bad?
you army crawled across the kitchen floor, turned the cat into "super kitty" and crawled into the dog cage
I seriously doubt I'm gonna be able to properly put your dick in my mouth whilst upside down, but I'm willing to give it my best shot
WE'RE NOT MAKING A DICK PIZZA OKAY
You don't know the true meaning of fear until your girlfriend's niece insists on sitting on your lap with 20 mg of Viagra coursing through your veins.
He asked me to come stay with him so he could "see that ass and watch Harry Potter."
Heeyy... sorry I got so drunk. You probably don't ever want to see me again. Thank you for dealing with me when I tried to jump over the deli counter for some mayonnaise.
If you find my integrity anywhere, please tell it to come back home
Don't get yourself off tomorrow. We. Are. Having. Sex. That's that. Just dont do it.
Randomize
