Fuck U Mike is a golden god.
Mike give steph back her phone.
I just realized that i have never seen about 30 percent of my friends sober before
NEWS FLASH: A bottle of wine can fit into a taco bell cup.
he somehow instantly knew i was from vermont.
it probably had something to do with chasing your soco with maply syrup.
I stole a fireplace last night.
It feels like I'm breathing out my heart and it spreads through my limbs to my fingertips.
Rick Santorum just suspended his campaign. Lets celebrate by watching gay pornography together.
I woke up surrounded by goldfish. Thank God my laptop was here too. Now I don't have to leave my bed all day.
I told him I'd clean his cock if he ever sent my GF another text message. It was a horrific time for me to miss the l key on my iPhone.
You looked at me, said I was a nice guy. Then you drunkenly climbed on top of me and said you liked me and wanted me.
You've never really lived until you tell someone you have an STD over snap chat.
was i wearing any clothes at that point?
socks and a thong
He showed up to my apt at 6am wearing a suit and holding a bag of coke....how could I not let him in?
I told the cop I was late for a booty call. He still gave me a ticket but he wrote his number on it
She grabbed the other one and started playing tug-o-war against the blonde chick. I told you getting my nipples pierced was a good idea
Randomize
