Just saw my gyno in public. Weird to see her hands outside of my vagina.
you looked like a weeble wobble. everytime we thought you were going to fall you bounced back up...you're an amazing drunk
seriously this is one of those moments where im glad i dont really talk to or know the people i sleep with
Well said.
Cure to hiccups..road head..high five
Got kicked out of the baseball game with a 4 officer escort. Not bad for a monday night.
I no longer question where these bruises come from... between the strip pole in the living room, the slipnslide in the hallway and our constant level of intoxication I will always be bruised...
he's only going to be home for two days, his dick is going to be in me for the whole 48 hours, he doesnt have a choice.
I want to be done crawling through windows but the sex is too good to stop...but I'm running out of excuses for where the bruises on my legs are coming from.
I was in a house full of lesbians and they were all staring at me. I felt like the last cresent roll on Thanksgiving.
Well, no one has ever described you as a perfectly balanced individual
My mom has had 5 shots of fireball today and she's still functioning normally... She's just extra polite.
He jumped into a mall fountain. I don't think that warrants a lifetime ban or the disorderly persons charge, but whatever. Fuck you Pennsylvania.
I woke up at 5am on my couch, naked, with a cereal bowl of water next to me. Apprently, drunk me thought I was a kitten last night. Super impressed I slept next to the bowl all night and didn't spill a drop.
you should just get a floor plan of your dorm and start checking off rooms.
Let the record show that I hate your ass.
Randomize
