They wont let us in. Theyve some sort of no Daft Punk costume rule
The chick I went home with last night had a happy trail
You need to tell your booty call to take some sudafed or something. I swear I thought you were humping Kermit the frog last night
got woken up at 7:30 by a drunk girl asking me where she was... apparently she slept on my futon
she was in a cheetah costume
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Last thing I remember clearly was, "ok, but if we're are gonna get drunk before class, there's no half-doing this"
the last thing I heard was you screaming as the rodeo team herded you to the next party
THE ALMIGHTY HAS FALLEN DRUNKENLY OFF HIS HIGH HORSE AND INTO HOLLY'S VAGINA
Just made a drunk dude do 20 push-ups. In the parking lot of the bar tonight for a keystone light I found in the back of my truck.
Oh yum
I fell asleep on the floor again. i dont want help, just a pillow. its kind of nice down here.
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Got another job?
If by job you mean clever way of getting free tattoos, then yes. I got another job.
Just told myself the phrase "You're not THAT single" while dressing myself
"Let's do body shots off the freshmen" is officially the worst thing I've ever said.
I may have broke the toilet masturbating. On a positive note the floor is really clean now.
But on the bright side the arresting officer was just as hot as I remember and I took a pretty okay mugshot.
You stuck your false lashes to your upper lip and then asked that ONE kid with facial hair if your "mustaches could touch" as an excuse to make out.
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