are you still at the devil's house?
Dude I just picked up a married chick while her husband was playing pool.
What do you mean you picked her up? How are you gonna leave the bar?
I didn't. I fucked her in the men's room. Come get me before he finds out.
I had a wet dream about my mom last night. words can't even begin to discribe how scarred I am. what. the. fuck.
2 am we went back to his house. his mom handed us beers and cooked us pancakes. the next morning his dad had washed my car. i lied. living at home after college definitely does not suck.
No joke. Last we saw of him he was naked and dragging that stupid goat into the bushes.
i seriously have like 9 pictures of people taking shots out of a vag on my camera....
Fuck. The basement bathroom I've been getting head in for 6 months just went 'Out of Service'.
so not only am i rooming with two chicks on the volleyball team, but we just put down the deposit on a hot tub. this is going to be the best summer ever for my dick.
I dont even remember coming home... All my stuff is strewn randomly around my apartment... And I woke up at 5 sitting propped up in my bed with just my arm in a shirt
I'm currently looking on facebook to see how slutty the girls from my kindergarden class are now. I have a problem.
At one point I yelled "THIS IS MY PENANCE FOR EVERYTHING I'VE DONE WRONG" and started saying Hail Marys
i got home safe but then alex started a fire so now we're at the hospital
Should I wish him a happy birthday?
Well he has been inside of you enough times that you probably should.
I have easymac and six pack of beer. This night can't get any better.
I'd rather plunge my eyes out than acknowledge being related to either of my brothers
Randomize
