thanks...oh and i got my period
told you
oh hush
you were so high you were expressing yourself in action figures
I threw up so much beer last night that my puke had a nice head on it.
Theres dried jager, barbecue sauce and frie remnants all over my front seat.
I got a phone call from security asking me to do my laundry wearing more than a blanket next time.
yeah i didn't know anyone, but i just walked in with a lit sparkler and wearing a budweiser shirt and someone handed me a beer.
I can't let him end my perfect streak. HE USED TO BE FAT
This is going to ruin my future wedding planner career, but isn't it better the groom knows he's gay BEFORE he gets married?
He looks like he was the one that always had koolaid stains around his mouth as a kid, he can fuck off.
He has an accent when he types. I can *hear* the schnitzel. Especially when he's drunk.
going on a mission to find my pants and the guy who stole my beer don't wait up
the next thing I knew, I was on the floor of a Tim Hortons bathroom in Canada.
We have such a parasitic relationship. But the kind where the parasite benefits from the relationship. Like the pilot fish and a shark. The fish gets the leftover food scraps from the shark and the shark gets a free bath from it.
that's so insightful.
You know you're old when you’re masturbating and you pull your hip
Stop letting me drink alone on saturdays. My last 2 google searches were "short legs" and "caterpillar eyebrows" ? I don't even know.
Randomize
