It really wasn't that bad. Well, it was pretty bad, but only in 3 second bursts.
no one should ever give us hovercrafts
Gonna post on craigs list missed connections - "I was that really drunk bitch that threw up in your car. I'd like to pay for detailing"
please don't go to jail. I'd hate to have to call the montgomery county jail every time I need sex advice
Toga everclear = hospital visit... Im sure the paramedics hate me right now
Just drive me around campus, I will be able to smell their innocence.
you were sitting on your bed looking out the window, rocking back and forth naked, saying how peaceful it looked outside
OMG stoned with flashing lights behind me, I was freaking out until I realized I wasn't driving my couch
I couldn't tell you were laughing too hard
Dude I thought I set my hair on fire. I wasn't laughing I was screaming.
He just sent me a picture of himself naked while cooking pancakes and he made the caption "bitchin' in the kitchen"
We need to do something soon. I need like 4,000 beers and a cigarette.
My life is literally "I'm too horny you can't leave" or "let's have pie" there's like no inbetween
She thinks you guys are the gods of the bathroom. If she runs past you naked, give me a heads up
I will pay you in sex, beer and popcorn if you will come fold my clothes for me.
Add free use of your panini press and its a deal.
Deal.
he told me that I'm basically going to be the mom of the house when they move in...i like to see it as being a MILF without the responsibility of real children
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