I hope whoever gets these locks of love doesn't have a drug test anytime soon
since we're both too lazy to go to each others house, you drink there, i'll drink here and we'll skype. it's the same thing.
is this the sara with the beer cane?
he stopped talking to me after i tried to use his body as a surf board
Staying in I think. Boyfriend has domesticated me. I'm making eggs naked right now. Also really high.
You'd be so proud. I have the flu/sore throat, so I've tied a scarf around my head and I'm microwaving jagerbombs. Let it never be said I'm not commited.
the japanese bartender dressed as a cowboy in assless chaps just told me i was too drunk for another shot
I was getting sick from all the peanut butter I had to lick off
Stop bitching. YOU SHOULD FEEL BLESSED TO HAVE LICKED PEANUT BUTTER OFF OF THESE TOTTERS
You're like the Mr. T of my A-team, only less gold jewelry and more pitying of fools.
That's the nicest thing anyone has said to me all day.
So he drunk messaged me last night telling me he wants a baby. Think I should call his bluff?
Thank god he came over. I had to have some good sex to makeup for all the bad sex I've been having.
That moment when I wear the same thing I did to a motel nooner to my family's Christmas party... Ho Hoety Ho bitches
Once the overwhelming "oh god my crotch is on fire" wears off, that excite stuff is really nice
She was shaving her legs in the neighbors pool when we found her.
Where'd she get the razor?
Not the point.
If he knew how badly I want to blow him he’d stop talking about his wife
Randomize
