Bein cut off at a bar is embarassing ...until you get to the next bar.
Just saw some airport workers running through the terminal with liquor bottles. That's my kind of emergency.
I'm just trying to think of how much money Little Debbie would make if pot was legalized.
You were yelling at the cops across the street saying they were at the wrong party
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
tell me why there is a bowl of oatmeal from starbucks in my purse
So far we've hooked up on a pool table, on a public bathroom counter and now in a little league baseball dugout. We haven't even made to a house yet.
Annnnd I didn't even notice there is a guy dancing in a jock strap beside me. That explains girls smiling at me
When you put my balls in your mouth i just want to buy you expensive gifts...you know what i mean?
He called some chick he used to fuck for cash to get food delivered to cheer me up
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Great news. Our sex broke my otter box
I never thought I'd have to apologize for tasting like absinthe and cheetos before tonight
All he gave me was a sore vagina and film suggestions
His dick is the size of my forearm. Would it be rude to ask to take a comparison photo after sex?
They already have a joint checking account. She's got his balls in her purse! What's next, a shared Facebook account?
I'm recovering from the blowjob...She's doing her taxes...
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