three guys just busted into my bio lecture, yelled "happy st. patrick's day!", downed jagerbombs, and left.
My rats are drinking wine. I am drinking with rats. God i am so alone.
It must be illegal for me to be this drunk in front of this many children
I just high fived you brother at the bar then immediately realized my hands smell like your vagina
This girl came outta nowhere yelling HOLD MY DICKKKKKK!
I guess, all I remember was giving you road head the whole way there so you wouldn't fall asleep.
I think we need to have a day of drinking in classes. I know we don't share any, but sacrifices need to be made.
Its alot like that time you got motorboated by the carni at the rodeo.
That moment when you notice a tiny IR camera pointing at you, in your bed, at the apartment you found on Craigslist.
The best part of Easter was watching all his colorblind cousins try to find the eggs.
I'm not sure how long my penis is exactly, but I will tell you it resembles a bendy straw
Just bought a gingerbread house kit and pregnancy tests. Happy holidays.
next time you go get food at three am and leave a rando here can you warn me??? Also i tazed him. but it was just my little one so i think he'll be fine. bring me some fries.
I am drunkenly riding a razor scooter up and down the hills of Cincinnati
What in the fuck are you doing with your life
Your heart isn't making stupid decisions... your penis is outsmarting your brain. Stop fucking her!
Randomize
