Was i wearing a white blazer when you superpoke danced me??
Clothes are such an inconvenience.
best line ever after sex today..."wow, that was a porn-star sized load"
We fucked to techno music while he wore shin guards... best sex ever.
On a scale of your daily life to smuggling crack into the DR, how illegal is it?
in my defense, he kept drinking all of my water.
he had diabetes and you told him to stop being a pansy!
So apparently I threw a potted plant at a clown last night and told him to get his life together.
No, that's just what we do when we hang out. We get drunk, have really awesome sex, then fight about why we never worked as a couple
Oh my god. I'm not ready to be an adult. I'm not ready.
It was like a Thanksgiving meal, which you spend 8 hours cooking, and the family wolfs down in 20 minutes. All that flirting and build-up for like 90 seconds of pumping and he was gone in a flash, never to be heard from again.
Sometimes you have a glimmer of a heart and then I immediately remember you are dead inside.
Is there some sort of line being crossed when your shower activities start to involve jimmy johns?
Mark my words I will never date another cop again. I don't care if he's JESUS.
Accidentally searched up "pizza pasties" instead of "pizza pastries". I was not disappointed.
These guys are just fucking with my heart instead of fucking me. They're fucking up.
Randomize
