Any of you guys fuck a 16 year old again? Because our front yard got fucked over high school style.
Just found out my brother beats off to Lauren Conrad. the Hills will never be the same.
the realtor just took us to a house I had a one night stand in. I feel like it's a sign.
In case you were unaware playing with rabbits on ecstasy is the greatest thing ever. I feel like I'm ODing on adorable right now.
I CAN'T DO THIS MUCH FABULOUS BEFORE LUNCHTIME
You need to be more adventurous.
I am! Just not in a "I wanna get diseases" way
Hello and welcome to the game 'Matt needs weed'! Rules are simple: first one to find a bag wins the fabulous prize of getting stoned with yours truly. Thank you for playing and good luck!!
I'm pretty sure I did the Macarena with a gay guy while shot gunning a beer
you know that feeling on acid where you think the world stops just to fuck with you? That's what it felt like.
I'm trying to get WebMD to diagnose me with a hangover
It's not too terrible. You just got a little naked and broke your arm.
We can't shop at Hobby Lobby anymore. They don't like Plan B which basically runs through our veins.
My life has evolved from screwing randos, ok?
His Instagram is like a gay porn blog all of the sudden got conquered by the Mormon missionary that he is
If you don't believe in my fighting skills, I don't know if we can be together
Randomize
