Dude, she knew her leg was on fire and she kept dancing. Bad-fucking-ass.
She was that classic mixture between "Hell no" and "Why the fuck not."
they're mlb prospects.. of course i'm gonna bang one of them.
Yeah, sam & jessica were trying to have sex and you walked in & started coaching them through it with a fake hulk hogan mustache on.
She thought that based on the way she feels that she got drugged last night, but come on, her turn on word is hello, who needs to drug that??
All right cuz right now I'm in one of those moods where the shear thought of doing anything more strenuous than making a sandwich has me wanting to curl up in the feeble position and splash around in a puddle of my own tears.
Day #3 of being the only sober person at the bar. This is depression.
Fuck that. I will get OUT of CONTROL And rise from a hangover on Sunday like Jesus himself.
I just replaced the poop spray with an air horn... Now we wait!
He used pronouns for his penis while sexting. I don't know what I did to deserve this.
almost just sent your mom a dick pic. almost.
Nothing says I love you like a silicone dragon dick
I think I've been inadvertently participating in a contest to see how many times I can show up to work hungover in my first year of teaching. And I'm the only participant. Not sure if I'm winning or losing.
he rolled over in the morning and told me happy valentines day. i don't even know his first name.
You were laying next to me in bed at 4:30 a.m. I asked if you were drunk and you said you weren't drunk you were buzzed like a bumblebee. Then kept rambling on about having to call out of work.
Randomize
