his mom walked in while I was blowing him. he turned around in panic and accidentally punched me in the face. i have a black eye and only half the clothes i came here in. can you give me a ride?
my goal in life is to wake up with my underwear on
I love her so much that if I could have sex with her I wouldn't cuz my dick would feel out of place in such a perfect body/vagina
I think I just puked all over my comforter and my roomdmate won't wakt up to washc it for me
she was pooping while we were on video chat. new level of love.
She tried to ditch the cab before she payed but she forgot to grab her shoes and wake me up
We found her on the trampoline. She told us she was jumping so she could puke & rally. I think I want to marry her.
You may have cured my horniness. I feel like my libido just got shat on by kittens who live on an enchanted rainbow.
Let me know when ur ready so I can throw up one last time then brush my teeth
You grabbed the hot guy that was making out with his girlfriend all night, slurred "I need to borrow this" then shoved your hand down his pants. All because you thought your ex walked into the bar. It was majestic in its shitshowness.
Also there's a home game tomorrow and I thought about holding up a sign that says, "I madeout with #64 during orientation week" would that be inappropriate??
my sex drive just dried up, fell out, and is rolling on the floor somewhere.
Relax
It's hard to relax when a woman is waxing your asshole.
These random guys found me. They told me not to wander in the woods and i remember saying 'am i fucking Bambi?! I'm not gonna walk into woods!' then i threw up.
Do you think it's a bad sign of the outcome of the pregnancy test I'm about to take that I was eating a fudgsicle on the way into the drugstore? Would it make worse to tell you I also bought a big ass bag of Cornnuts?
Randomize
