So Ryan had to wash the dishes. His solution: take a shower with them. I'm never eating at his house again.
After three games of beer pong ending in victory by death cup, all four of us bonded in the fact that we all slept with the girl's boyfriend at some point in time in the past year. She had no idea.
GUESS WHO GOT ABSOLUTELY WASTED LAST NIGHT AND SPENT AN HOUR RAMBLING ABOUT KRAFT DINNER, HOCKEY, AND THE LAST TEMPTATION OF CHRIST
I may or may not have told him that he's "the only one with a PHD in this pussy"... I should like direct cheesy porno flicks or something.
Oh I was gonna ask you the same thing...? It's official ask anyone to see your husbands dick day.
it's always good to have a friend that's a hairdresser, a massage therapist, maybe throw in a lawyer just in case, and always have a friend on food stamps
I can't even be mad at customs in houstons airport anymore for missing my flight and having to stay overnight. Within an hour of meeting we did it at her place. Her last word being "glad I could show you real southern hospitality". I'm definitely coming back here someday
He is a sex God. It lasted more than an hour, and I don't remember how many times I came. I lost count at 57.
Nobody's dick fell into my mouth tonight
We really gotta wear capes to the bar more often...
So this morning when I woke up. I found my refrigerator open and no more food. It was empty, I'm home alone for the week. Where in hell did that food go?
The weirdest part of it all was wondering if I was going to take off his fanny pack or he was before we fucked
Okay, let's just all take a step back and think about how funny this will seem in like a year... Maybe 2 if his nose is actually broken.
He wanted me to do the rubix cube. He thought it was hot.
You know how fear has a smell? Well turns out shame has a smell too. It's Pina colada flavored anal grease.
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