I like bacon cheeseburgers and the pussycat dolls
Does that mean you want me to loosen up your buttons at carls jr?
Why did I call the Oregon Department of Transportation at 4:30 in the morning, and who did I talk to for three minutes?
I want to see you every morning in the kitchen ass naykid on roller blades making pancakes.
Stop sending me these texts. This is your mom, not your girlfriend.
totally watching dr. phil and getting eaten out right now. be jealous.
Responsibility does not care about your dick.
He kept saying that the puke outside the theater wasn't his and it was all a set up to keep him from partying with the whores. Then he passed out on the sidewalk.
You sucked on the drag queens heel. It got that rough.
he spent like 10 minutes trying to convince us that he was throwing up in the bushes on purpose in order to cut weight for wrestling
Remember camping when you drank 36 beers to yourself in one day and puked in your tent? Ready for round 2?
I am not betting on the failure of any friend that is not you.
You rinsed the beer pong ball off in my White Russian
Idk what's happening right now but im wearing a tutu and pissed as fuck.
I am real keen for none of this to be taken out of context so let’s just shut it down right now
Just stopped at a cross walk because the light turned red 3 streets down. I'm way too high.
You did an excessive amount of blow and then screamed "WHO THE FUCK NEEDS A LADDER?!" And then Mario style wall-jumped onto the roof. It was one of the most impressive things I've ever seen.
Randomize
