We traveled between two mile markers in 18 seconds. Do the math.
I really think my calling is to star in a Live Links commercial
She made me add her as a friend on fb before she got into my bed... I sense a stalker
there were more penises there than on chat roulette
Condom broke. Took her to CVS for plan B and parked in expectant mothers spot. I laughed.. she cried
Guess which guy you've blown just made me sandwich at subway?
Despite what happened tonight, Im still expecting Jesus birthday sex
Just saw a guy walking down the street carrying a giant inflatable penis
Just arrived at our party
Haha, you avoided her at all costs. And then she shoved her tits in your face
A guy wearing a shirt that says "eat shit and die motherfucker" just held open a door for me. He's got manners.
Just bought weed from the ice cream man. The kid in front of me got a tootie fruitie.
He had to put the child locks on the windows so you would stop screaming at random boys
That moment when the line ‘If you want a hot body you better work bitch’ in Britney Spears’ new song comes on as you’re using two forks to shovel enchilada into your mouth.
Well you were hungry, by then you cried and called yourself a basic bitch for eating crackers
Is it appropriate to be taking shots at 11 on sunday?
Absolutely same thing as church only different
Randomize
