yo im tryna cop a beej tonight
ugh.. my birth control just came out of my nose. wtf?
he referred to my room as the tit cave...
mom just told me i had to find a fake by next wednesday.
At what point should shame kick in? Realising I had a one night stand with a man engaged or realising I am that man's wedding photographer?
She's licking the seat belt now. Feeling a little uncomfortable
But I love Penises too much to give up on them. My phone capitalized Penises. It's like it knows I respect them
She blew me in the back of the cab while eye of the tiger was on the radio. Top five all time automatically
Of course the bar would go completely silent right as I yell out "I don't have AIDS"
New found love of volunteering, when there's free wine available at all times. Good times. And I get to to feel good about helping people.
They don't even know who I am but they just woke me up with maracas and invited my boobs to a kegger
All three of my roommates have their significant others over. We're all hanging out in the living room. It's like I'm the trifecta of third-wheeling
Possibly threw up in my purse last night. Still suspicious of of all actions
Would it be weird if I bought knee pads and shin guards to fuck in my car?
OMG OMG OMG!!!! I made his penis bleed!! I repeat I MADE HIS PENIS BLEED!!!!
Randomize
