it's like doing a sit-up... but, you're inside someone
Hey, I can't find my bed frame. Do you know who took it?
you looked at her and told her she looks like the girl you lost your virginity to then told her you wanted to lose it to her again
As i was blowing him Silent Night came on his iTunes. I said "it isn't christmas" and he moans "yeah it is."
Advice for you. Never grate cheese on your counter then not cleanup the scraps, then have your bf over and endup having sex on the counter. Theres literally cheese melted in and around my ass.
Like for real, is your junk ok? I have to look after my investments.
well they never fully had sex so she's like an eskimo step-sister. I'll make a family tree for you.
Are you wearing clothes?
Fuck no, who do you think I am
oh my god. picked the worst day ever to not wear underwear...
I'm just gonna stop you right there because there is, in fact, no such thing.
I woke up missing my shoes and my left eyebrow. MY. EYEBROW.
This is like a walk of shame down memory lane.
so we just got back from swapping peoples patio furniture around to different patios. some people might like unexpected change. others might regret living on the ground floor.
And you know what the worst part is? Because of him I can now relate to a goddamn Taylor Swift song. FUCK. MY. LIFE.
I have a hunchback of notre dame journal from when I was 6 wherein sits a diary entry that reads "saw liar liar today. Carrey's best yet" and that's all.
Last night I realized I made a dick appt 2 MONTHS IN ADVANCE!!!!....... WHO THE HELL DOES THAT!?!? LMAO!
Randomize
