Pretty people don't get stds, I knew it
He came through my line today and bought designer impostor perfume, just for men gel, and astroglide. I almost DIED.
keep it on the DL tho cause i dont want it getting out and it coming off like i kidnapped her or something
Hairspray is covering 85% of my body. Help.
Wait until you see the roof.
My mom said I should get that 'not fucking anybody' problem fixed.
i can't believe you were mixing vodka with green tea last night and enjoying it.
i should bottle and sell it. my slogan could be "green tea vodka. antioxidating while intoxiacting. your liver will thank you. "
You were carrying around a milk crate, randomly putting it down calling out 'praise be to the milk gods' and making people pray to it.
If you happen to tell anybody my drunk story in the near future, please refrain from telling them about me shitting myself. People are getting the wrong idea and random people are messaging me on Facebook making fun of me for that
In related news, I couldn't want to blow you more if your dick made harmonica noises.
He said bring my breathalyzer and Anna's pepper spray, I didn't ask questions
Mmhmmm. I have a list of drunk achievement that is almost as long as my list of stoned achievements
I showed my cat the amount of coke I had. She looked concerned.
I am now picking what guy I will hang out with based on how many Pokémon they live near.
I'll be naked. By 11. Then arrested. Drunk tank adventures
You’re not his type
I’ve got blonde hair and great tits. I’m every man’s type
Randomize
