She'll never know what hit her
I dunno. Girls tend to recognize ball-to-chin contact.
Ate lunch. Still drunk. Keep forgetting I'm in Texas but then I look around at the people and remember.
we took turns throwing up in the kitchen sink last night...no i am not doing the dishes
So I vaguely remember making out with you this morning, I think you were on a date?
I'm so in the Halloween spirit, I zombified my all of my nudes on my phone. Tell me this isn't creative.
The hypnotist is here. He has a black eye and smells like tequila.
the night probably should have been over when the guy let her fill out my mechanical bull waver for me because i couldn't read
well after pounding on the ceiling for 5 mins i just went up there to tell them to shut up.. 2 hours later i'm naked, high, lying on their kitchen floor. it escalated so quickly
you start one little fire by the lake and the police want to talk to you all night...
So are we just not going to talk about the time I came home to you jerking it in the kitchen?
VOOOODKA VOOODKA WE PLEDGE OUR LOVE TO THEEEE VODKAAAA VODKAAAA SAVIOR OF LIBERTYYYY
What's sexier than showing up smelling like fast food cigarettes with a jar of moonshine in your hand
This is what we get for finishing a whole box of Franzia by ourselves
My six-margarita-deep ass just used a blow torch to light the match that lit my bong pack. Peak single 🤦ðŸ¼â€â™€ï¸
she gave me a ride on the back of her motor scooter and i swooned so hard
omg it's like all of your grease 2 fantasies come true i'm so happy for you
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