i hate having sex with him only a few drinks in. i like it better when i cant remember the gory details.
I was fine until "Under Pressure" came on the radio. It's like God wanted me to shit my pants on the drive home.
It's twenty thirteen and the rando and I bonded over the fact that we're both stil using flip phones. Of course I fucked him in the bathroom. It was the obvious thing to do.
Dude we gotta go back to your cabin. left glenn. he's calling me crying and still drunk
No seriously you guys are gonna get arrested
Do me a favor I want you to reach down the front of your pants and underwear and just feel around for a while... if you happen to find your balls then join us
Fun times on public transportation. I just had a guy imply that I was racist cause I didn't want to talk to him when I was clearly reading my book and he was clearly on coke.
I was chasing moonshine with vodka last night. I'm still not sure how I'm sober right now.
We were so sore from having sex that we decided to fix it with more sex. It's the hair of the dog for sex hangover.
She's got Mike in the bathroom. He's covered in meat.
I had to switch to male Siri because I could feel female Siri voice judging me for reading my sexts out loud. Also, the dude voice keeps me in the mood.
My house is about to be spotless and the only person visiting is the plumber and not the porno kind.
Just because I stayed up all night betting on Australian Horse Racing doesn't mean I have a gambling program.
Its my nipple ring piercing anniversary. We need to celebrate.
Like I said, all hypothetical...unless, of course, you'd be into that. My heart may skip a beat.
Just do what I do and listen to your vagina. She’ll growl when she smells good dick
Randomize
