Over it. He probably jacked off to bible verses last night. I don't want that
we've been at disney 20 seconds and she already got the cops called over
You were so trashed that when you dropped your fruit rollup on the floor, you just sat next to it and cried.
So how many shot glasses of coffee grounds make a pot?
I'm concerned you might be passed out on a random rooftop right now. Not concerned enough to do anything about it. Hope you're alive. Goodnight.
Just saw you drinking out of a flask on national tv. I've never been more proud of you
I have discovered my latent superpower. If a friend is dating a bi chick they will inevitably try and talk me into a threesome.
The salesman at the smoke shop just told me my hair is glorious...
Have you ever come so hard that right after you have the urge to yell "make me a sandwich!"? ...I think my ovaries turned into testicles.
Just spent the morning washing Bailey's and Guiness out of my clothes -_-
We were walking to the bar with a group of people and literally made 4 stops in people's lawns garages or random walls for him to eat me out
go for it girl, the world is ur dick oyster
I think I've had more sex in your bed than you have and I've only been here three days
The cashier looked at my basket, looked at me and said "That's a lot of wine." I looked at her and said "Mother in law." She nodded approvingly.
just threw up in a gas staton parking lot in front of a father and son. stared them in the eyes and finished like a boss
Randomize
