ive come to realize my hair is a lot like my vagina. i put a bunch of shit in it with no result
Sorry I never got back to you. I got high. I know it sounds like a commercial or something... but its true
you just can't say no to drugs on a mirrored table.
Is it bad when your hot neighbor is crying on her porch, and your 2nd thought is "maybe her boyfriend cheated on her and she'll want to fuck me for revenge sex?"
Perfectly normal.
I didn't even realize you were getting that drunk until bam!
is bam when I fell down the stairs or when I threw up standing at the bar?
No idea. I woke up in the middle of the night to you drooling and gnawing on my arm. Then you rolled over, punched the air 4 times, then proceeded to talk about your hair in your sleep.
...Saturday night. Get your dick ready. We are going to go nuts. I want to have sex fucking everywhere.
Sundays should be dedicated to Girl Scout cookies, sex, and super hero movies.
I'm just gonna get real fat and join the circus.
gorilla chasing a banana on crotch rockets. Halloween is getting way too real
I set up her keyboard so that no matter what she does, it will open up RedTube. Click and command Q all you like, its going to porn. No I play the waiting game
Just brought out that old CCM hockey helmet. The one covered in sharpie penises with "DRUNK BUCKET" written across the front. The number of tally marks / initials from tonight's drunk stunts alone is equal parts inspiring and alarming.
If those panties could talk.
"Once upon a time, Jenny got chlamydia from a magician. The end."
I had to carry him up the hill while he was wearing nothing but knee high socks and a blue glitter sequin leotard.
Why is this not a picture message?
We fucked on the roof... like that has to mean something
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