Third unemployed latin in my bed this week. I'm on a roll
We hit a deer, sort of a buzz kill. But it's fine.
You finger a girl once and she thinks she loves you. I'm going back to boys. Lesbians are needy.
I've come to the conclusion that the only reason I fucked him was because he reminded me of Seth Rogen.
Putting the night light in my bathroom cabinet was the best idea ever. Awesome for puking while light sensitive
why oh why did i suck thise tits. nothing but trouble fuuuuuu
I need a picture of your dick for my friends birthday card
Change of plans. Theres a bouncy castle setup in my apartment complex.
Oh my god he's laying on a longboard singing the song from cool runnings.
Did you send me a snapchat of your sister triple kissing two other girls?!!! You might be the greatest friend the world ever made
No seriously, I don't care if you just sucked God's dick. I have had a better Fat Tuesday than you
I can't hangout tonight, I have a phone sex appointment at 10
Omg my brain. Most recent thought: I fucking prayed in the bathroom that the other girl would leave. Prayed to Jesus
You were so drunk, you kept telling everyone you had a platinum vagina.
Really should've known 2020 was gonna suck when the guy dressed as baby new year got arrested at our party 5 past midnight...
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