things it involved: vodka, boy parts, possible photos of me on a cell phone. things it did NOT involve last night: my bra, his pants, and sobriety.
he saw my "i like bacon" magnet on the fridge and i told him how much i love meat, then we started making out
what a beautiful fairy tale
i wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commericals
A guy at the bar bought me a jag bomb because I'm the chick that frosts his donuts at KT. Never have I been more proud of being a failure at life.
It's a lightpost hitting you in the head. Of course it's going to hurt the day after.
I thought turtle was a code word for weed until he pulled out a baby turtle from his pocket and said "$20 for a turtle"
If you wake up tomorrow and start to wonder.... Yes you did just eat mild sauce from taco bell out of the package while informatively yelling about the loss of my virginity
Woke up, moved an empty handle of fireball to spit blood, then put the morning cigarette out in it.
This morning I found four opened yet full beers on my desk and my towel rack pulled off the wall and in bed with me
So I woke up alone in the hotel room clutching a bible to my chest. Explain, please.
Did you leave it the depths of Magic Mike's favorite banana hammock?
can you come here so we can have really loud sex? the girl upstairs walks so loud i want her to know how it feels
of course
He tried to grab your ass, but he grabbed my hand cause I grabbed your ass first. I saved your ass..literally. Your welcome.
Autocorrect changes "sex" to "sec". I have been so long without it my phone thinks I made a mistake.
Someone made a Christmas song to the Flintstones theme and I'm suing for emotional distress.
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