Freshman just walked up and thanked me for letting him hide under my bed when the cops showed up to the house last weekend
Passed out in a rocking chair on her porch. Woke up to the tow truck taking away my car.
SORRY! Pervert came out for a bit. BAD PERVERT! BACK IN YOUR HOME!
I'm not a horrible person, I just see what everyone chooses to politely ignore.. And occasionally say it aloud whilst deeply intoxicated.
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Well my friend Jon slept on the couch and I slept next to my cooked lean pocket on the carpet
I woke up naked on his boat with a cowboy hat on with a boat cover over me... Thank you tequila!
Because it's not worth it. And there is no nice way of saying "sorry, you're not good enough at sex for me to drive 45 mins"
...and that's why girls with IBS don't paint their nails
Im part way to drunk.
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There was nowhere else for me to go. I'm like the island of misfit toys but I'm hot.
I always can't wait to see you but when there's also an opportunity to get naked it elevates to an entirely different level
I just choked eating whip cream from the can, and peed a little because I was coughing so hard. How am I still single.
I found my wallet. Still have no idea when I put mad dog in my steel water bottle, though...
i had fun fun last night, with the exception of you running over my foot with your car. makes a great story for my first one night stand.
A true gentleman never tells. But yes, I did indeed get laid last night
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