No, computers are like whores. moody bitches that cost too much and no matter how much protection you have you can still get a virus
I least I know I can't get pregnant because it's on my hair
I am currently eating pure cake frosting...I am not sure how I was ever referred to as a responsible adult.
It makes me feel uncomfortable and unsafe when he licks my pants
I might not be able to enter cuba but that doesn't mean that a cuban can't enter me
Anyways, i'm off to play with a rubber dick and a ouija board with two other girls...
His apartment number was 69. I had to.
You could have chosen coming to fuck me over getting too hammered to drive. But you made your bed, and now you get to jack off alone in it.
I showed that dick picture that your date texted you to everyone because you passed out and left your phone unattended. Your fault. Plus his cock was big so his fault too.
Someone put pennies in the toilet. This isn't a fucking wishing well
Thanks so much for having me, I'm really sorry that I almost caused your dog to catch on fire and also for breaking your doorknob
He paid for a 5 star hotel suite and I raided the mini bar after he left. I think that’s bad karma. Want some pringles?
on a campus of 30,000 people, i should not be able to see every single guy I've ever hooked up with at one party.
i was watching the elves fighting on my knees while waiting for the shrooms to kick in then i realized
that blonde bartender and I racked up an impressive mini bar bill last night
Mini bar? Did you get a hotel room?
Yeah, the last thing I need right now is a chick with an insane clown posse tattoo knowing where I live
That’s legit
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