i just bought a vibrator and the cashier says "have fun with that." i didnt realise what he said so i responded "you too." and then he gave me his number...
I would like to meet someone who actually lost their virginity in a candle filled room
i might have gotten away with it if "don't tase me bro!" wasn't the first thing i said when i rolled down my window.
The last thing I remember is trying to split my bridesmaid dress down the back like the incredible hulk.
and you succeeded.
Vodka?
Forever.
Will give head in exchange for a Netflix password. Serious inquiries only please.
Guess I was throwing darts at a patrons head last night, lol! Black out
I still feel like a bad person. A shoulder to cry on became a dick to suck.
The highlight was when a stranger was nose to nose with you threatening to kick ur ass, and you said "Is that your real face? Stopped him dead.
After sending me a dick pic, he asked, "yay or nay?"
I've turned into a small time drug dealer, now who's the real MVP.
STOP SENDING ME NAKED PICTURES WHEN I'M TRYING TO TEACH. MONDAY TUESDAY 1-3 IS A DICK AND ARSE FREE ZONE
I was so high I kept trying to flush the toilet with the light switch
is caitlin alive?
ya she's alive she's watching a movie
ok remind her she drank toilet water then.
"Offered to eat Froot Loops out of my belly button" drunk. Thats how drunk.
Randomize
