I bought a boat. Want to have sex on The Angry Clam? That's what I named it.
Made a joint out of my Yale rejection letter. Life is grand.
Haha im Trying. This detox stuff tastes nasty. It's bad when the only thing that came to mind when i took the first sip was how good it would be with Vodka
Hey its the Filipino guy from last night. I just wanted to say sorry my friend bled all over your driveway. Great party though.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
His "hunger Strike for change" lasted 4 days. Hi welcome to my coke binge last weekend....not impressed
Upon further investigation it turns out it wasn't blood, but chocolate frosting from the cupcake I shoved in my pocket to "save for later"
Your girlfriend is in jail- I've just never been able to use that in a sentence before. Thank you both!
I'm the only one who goes to a bar and leaves with an extra twenty bucks and a pumpkin.
My chest smells like french fries. Get at me attractive men.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I bought left over pizza from a guy on Craigslist.
I watched you down those shots like a lion cub watching its mother rip apart a gazelle
The fact that I am laying in bed on my stomach with an ice pack on my rump is a clear indication that I am no longer in my carefree 20s
THIS IS THE 11TH FUCKING COFFEE TABLE THAT YOU AND RICHARD CRASHED THROUGH.
I'm surprised me and Richard survived 11 of your coffee tables.
YOU TWO ARE BUYING ME A NEW ONE I AM PISSED.
I just wish he would stop trying to bring his emotional baggage into our sexual relationship.
I thought he was a lobster and that the moon was going to pull me through him.
I don't think I should try acid.
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