You are possibly the most enthusiastic, likable bad influence I've ever met.
He said I came instead of I'm coming. I wonder if he noticed my state of confusion when I stopped blowing him.
Wasn't he an English major?
dude stop sending me pictures of your dick in weird places. i get it. you rock out with your cock out.
you were wandering around the street for like an hour singing "nothing but socks on"..an original you wrote after the 12th shot i believe
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I knew I was rolling hard when I realized I had been rubbing the couch for an hour
I'm currently looking through google images of circumsized penises and realizing how vital pre-marital sex is.
I went limp when I heard her mom fart from her parents bedroom. It lasted longer than my hard on.
Vegas is great, yelled at a guy 4 lanes over if he wanted a bj. ended up having sex in a vacant lot. I think he was homeless.
All three of my roommates have their significant others over. We're all hanging out in the living room. It's like I'm the trifecta of third-wheeling
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If anyone remembers any details of tonight please address concerns to my lawyer. This is a mass text.
I've just been thinking about sangria a lot lately, like an adult.
I apparently tried to wax off my nipples.This explains the pain
She turned off her phone alarm (which was the theme song to Star Wars) and then asked me if I wanted a blow job before she went...of course I am going to see her again.
How is it that I can make it to my 8am Friday morning still drunk after passing out the night before...but not to my 9am on Tuesday that I went to bed early for? Irony or karma?
Blacking out in the security line at the airport is not nearly as fun as blacking out in the lunch line at the dining hall.
Randomize