Wanted to apologize for chris browning you when you were on my computer.
yeah, i liked him til i heard he had a sac that could apparently smother my face.
Pooping in your heated bathroom to the sound of rain and instrumental guitar might be the greatest experience ever.
I just caught myself doing the gator chomp to my tv. I need to get laid.
It just hit me that i made out with someone's mom last night
I don't really know I'm just giving her a key to get back in and the "don't get pregnant speech" and leaving it at that.
Sometimes I send them texts like "I want to make you cry and lick up your tears" just to fuck with them. And THAT is how you get rid of a Stage 5 clinger.
Oh I forgot to tell you that while you were in the bathroom last night I made friends with a gay man named Rodger from Venezuela and he kissed me cheek and told me I "knew how to shake my thing". From now on we go to the bathroom as a team.
I DON'T CARE LET'S GET DRUNK AND GO. I STRAIGHTENED MY HAIR DO THIS FOR ME.
fat chick, vomit on the dog, and three unidentifiable pills in my ear. all in the same ear. what the hell happened after the guests showed up?
I applaud your efforts, but I have to say it was the bear we encountered that ultimately shut down the entire operation
I just threw up birthday cake.. who's birthday was it?
Not remembering where I left my grinder before vacation #stonerproblems
So, in keeping with the last two years, are we going to watch the new Hobbit movie on acid again? It's kinda starting to feel like a Christmas tradition.
Drunk assassins creed leads to explaining to my father that "it was only a steak knife in the arm"
Randomize
