Lindsay lohan: road to jail is on E tonight. Bring vodka we are not missing an opportunity to make a drinking game out of this
If you bring me a slurpee and advil I will eat you out for like an hour.
Apparently i just threw up in the bathroom, i told them i just blew my nose. i don't think they believe me...
I hope I take a shit on your face in your dreams tonight.
I deem it safe for us to drink together again.
They dropped the charges?
Yeppers. Come drink beers.
I brought some guy back to have cheese whiz with me. Then sent him home
Was he satisfied?
No, and very vocal about it.
And I swear to god I'll divorce you if you so much as say a single sentence in Yoda talk in our bedroom. I may be a nerd but that's just fucking creepy
All you had to say was "damn dude that looks fun, I miss ice fishing." But you sent a picture of poop. Classy
how is it that I keep meeting up with you when Im drunk?
you stand on my porch screaming my name until I come out with you...
I heard them banging and it sounded like he was trying to stuff a fucking coconut into her
Sneaking the vodka in was the easy part.. listening to medley of puking in the porta pottys was not
This electrician is just ripping my house apart and I'm too hungover to ask questions
Mom said it is up to us to plan Thanksgiving. Hooters or Scores?
Or???
We've been fucking like crazy ever since she quit her job..ive been running errands all day to stay out of the house and give my dick a day of rest
I hate my life now
Don't come in. My door to my bathroom won't close because of the table and I'm pooping
Classy
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