I will make out with the first guy who tries to pick me up with a lyric from a rap song. I won't even reply, just be on him like whoa.
i woke up, turned over, and noticed an assortment of knives stuck in my wall. i should prob stop drinking
Dude i have a 6th sense for when bagel bites are ready.
It sucks..Now I'm depressed because appearence wise, she's the closest to my favorite pornstar I'll ever get..
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I know we had a good night last night because his turtle was half asleep chewing on the used condom.
I came over to his house for a party and realized I was quoted on the fridge... "How'd I get rug burn on my face?" And yes, my name was right next to it!
Literally best acid trip ever. Better than sex. At one point she looked over at me, started crying, holds up her hands and said "dinosaur tears of sadness". Craziest roommate ever.
Well at least it wasn't the first time I threw up out of a second story window
Well I'm currently debating between getting toilet paper or getting my eyebrows waxed so... There's that
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I look like one classy bitch running in heels through my backyard while carrying a small dog and a large bottle of booze. How am I still single?
Seems like you've kicked summer 2012 off well.
I just need some breakup sex yanno like filthy wish fulfilling breakup sex to make me forget what I never had
I have to make calls today at work. So I'm gonna call your phone and leave some random messages. Just delete them.
Calm down I'm not kidnapping the bartender
There will be plenty of opportunity for me to sexualize Mike via VenMo.
It’s so white trash that I almost have to have it.
Randomize