a pedometer??? no beatles?Steve jobs just took a dump in CA and it landed on my heart
Ur keys r in ur purse. ur purse is on the couch. ur cigs r on ur front seat. u drank all ur wine. mollie took ur jkt bc u cockblocked her. and in case anyone asks, the saints won 31-17.
I don't hate you. My dick is upset with you, but I don't hate you.
all ill say about last night is that we tried to stop you. oh and the bus you're on is going to nashville.
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I was just referred to as 'the margarita slut' by an 11 year old.
at one point he was caressing me in the kitchen asking me my name over and over again and then asking what my favorite continent was
she asked to have her picture taken with every guy we walked by.
Apparently there's nothing on sonza for "giving a handjob while sunbathing"
He sent me nudes and then a text asking if I tried the new Cantina Bowl from Taco Bell. He sure does romance right, doesn't he?
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I found your missing hash cookies. Fuck you and I'm sorry but there are only 2 left. I already had the munchies.
It's taking every bit of my restraint not to go to the store and buy chips and cake and like steal someone's dog. PMS is so weird.
Unless your apology includes a 20 something with loose morals and a daddy complex, I'm am not interested
just found a picture from last night.
the one of you riding a horse with nothing but a bulletproof vest on?
uhm.... no?...
Instead of texting me to come over, she just sends me a batman symbol.
I don't care if she's a booty call. Marry her.
Finding my pants in the morning should not make me this proud
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