I can feel you judging me through the phone.
just woke up to a 10 min voicemail of you singing "99 red ballons".... you need to work on your german..
frozen drink friday is suspended until further notice
I did the crab walk everywhere because I was drunk enough that it was easier than standing up.
it's a drink the shower water kind of morning ...
HIV testing and a light brunch. Sounds like a great way to spend Christmas Eve.
Maybe you'll have a Christmas miracle
My life is sponsored by tidy cat kitty litter, Bacardi rum, and plan b.
I'm definitely not at Wal-Mart eating jalapeno poppers with an elevated blood alcohol content
First day back to class and I have already pulled out the hard liquor
I know I'm going to throw up tonight it's just a matter of when and where
I don't know how guys can take themselves seriously when they see themselves naked
you woke me up at 1am last night high on cough syrup to tell me jay z was an idiot for cheating on beyonce
just took a pregnancy test before I went out drinking. if that's not drinking responsibly Idk what is.
How do you explain to your parents that you can't go to the library because you got banned for being drunk in there... on a Sunday afternoon?
That's $100,000 of quality education right there.
There is a baby in my apartment. What the fuck happened last night?
Randomize
