I wish I could drop acid with the muppets
We pay for beer, you give birth. It's how the world works.
Just saw a white stretch Hummer limo outside of CiCi's pizza. Way to live up to the stereotypes, Alabama.
she's not even a shacker, she never made it inside. she's just a porch girl
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She was wasted. Kept yelling "what if I'm pregnant" and trying to push me into the tree. First and last time I bring a girl to my family christmas party.
I thanked her for the handjob she gave me in the middle of the night. She had no idea what i was talking about. I think she sleep-jerked-me-off. Im def sleeping over tonight too
I couldn't walk, so he carried me all the way home; and then I told him that I wasn't drunk enough to fuck him. Poor kid.
He pocket texted me while I was blowing him in the car...What are the odds?
Considering how often you blow him,high.
his roommates said i can move in if i promise to only drink tequila the rest of the semester. challenge accepted.
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We have six bottles of wine and we are at target buying baby oil to grease up the sleds with, just in case you're interested.
Did I seriously kick a door down last night... And if so when where and how hard, cause that shit I do not recall.
You're the horniest male I have ever encountered
Makes it sound like you're a scientist documenting your discoveries. I warned you.
The stripper told Tom to sort his life out
Can't we just go back to fucking and having your boyfriend think you're completely straight?
Everyone has seen your nipples. It's like asking if they ever walked on grass. You need better hangover questions.
Randomize