he also called and said i only cheated on you 8 times but they were all trannies
and someone in the background yelling "one was fat so that counts as one and a half"
Please sleep at your girlfriend's tonight
Why?
'Cause I wanna jack off tonight.. And you being in the room makes things awkward
i was the DD for the swedish students tonight. Got paid 23 dollars for driving 10 miles. gotta love ignorance and the confusion conversion brings.
you told grandpa to call you daddy
He asked me why my bellybutton was so ugly... and wondered why i wasnt in the mood anymore.
When I say rough sex, and show you scars from past encounters, pulling my hair a little IS NOT GOING TO CUT IT. And he just doesn't understand.
My phone really needs to stop auto correcting "library" to "ovary".
you know...the drug dealer i named my baby after.
it would be so handy to have a fax machine attached to my body
I wish I could understand how you function in society
CAN I EVER JUST MAKE OUT EITH SOMEONE AND NOT GET FRIEND REQUESTED BY THEM THE NEXT DAY.
I woke up to realize my keys were on the front porch. Also so was I. So close yet so far
Also, I found your gauge.
I found it under my pillow like a gift from the Sex Fairy.
I may have unintentionally punched your cat twice but he's an asshole anyway.
You drunk-dialed me and asked me to describe my burrito
YOU CANT JUST BLOW GUYS BC THEY’RE NICE TO YOU LEXI
I CAN IF I WANT TO
Randomize
