he is naked. in. my. bed. happiest day. of my. LIFE.
THE PICTURE OF PEPPERMINT MOCHA MADE ME WANT TO TOUCH MYSELF
Like. I probably should fuck him. I owe him for breaking his thumb.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to concentrate on legal issues with the ghost of his giant penis in me?
What was the name of that place where we saw that concert? It was like a warehouse and some guy was living in the loft above the stage...
It's called: a legit place to drop acid.
I woke up this morning to find a stuffed animal submerged in the toilet. I'm not entirely sure if it was the cat or Kara.
I'm about to punish you for sending me a Snapchat of your boyfriend's morning wood
His cat kept scratching my feet while we were having sex. There's only room for one pussy around here. It also concerns me that he owns a cat.
You should make us a hot pocket to split while I go throw up.
I vaguely remember making out with some dude. Please tell me he had all of his teeth.
My dick has a subreddit
Life should not be this hard with a dick this big.
What started out as a one night stand ended in him texting me the next day, saying he thought he was gay.
Okay. Did I say I did anything unusual? Because I usually do weird stuff. Did I clean mirrors? My mirrors are really clean, and I think I remember having windex..
Actually I really wish that I was drinking so I could ask him for breakup sex and then later blame it on my alcoholic tendencies. Maybe tomorrow instead.
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