just threw up while drinking by myself. This is all your fault. You here = a good night, You not here = alcoholism
You took shots of captn out of a empty percocet bottle, i just saw you fall threw the floor of rock bottom.
Until he has ordered mozzarella sticks & beers at 2pm while wearing formal attire, then this is still my bar.
Even My mom was ashamed of me bringing her home, she pulled me aside, and told me i can do better than, "butter faces"
I just learned in bio that our sole purpose for life is to have sex.. so your high number is acceptable. its actually lacking.
it would be nice to just get drunk, not hook up with anyone, and not die this weekend
But Monday we'll be living in a post-apocalyptic hellscape. Also, I'm going to a champagne tasting.
No The bastards made me buy a new one, They don't cover water damage an apparently they consider salsa water damage
We now know how the night ended in arrest according to the flip camera I did 10 handle pulls and beer bonged a 40. My life choices are getting worse and worse this is your fault.
There's a picture of you on facebook laying in the street with 3 cops standing over you after you faceplanted off that guy's shoulders.
Is that what happened to my face?!
She just shoved like three McNuggets in her mouth and started sobbing and I have no idea what's going on.
I remember caressing his hands asking him if he moisturized, then i proceeded to put his hands on my face
I just almost puked & then I panicked and forced it back down because I thought I would be a waste of the apple turnover I ate.. I'm that hungover
Omg I can't even...
Is there anything more American than getting day drunk and watching Hulk Hogan promos?
Thank you, my gorgeous heroine, for being such a total life-saver by giving me rides, forcing me to eat, providing porous absorbant surfaces to bleed on, and everything else you do <3
Randomize
