He said he was from Mississippi and my vagina clamped shut like a frightened oyster
i watch way too much csi for them to even pretend to be my friend.
Lady GaGa only went backwards in convincing me she's not a man at the VMAs.
how much land on farmville do you have now? i sold all my shit to make room i need more money... these animals need to know I'm running a business not a charity.
You are the worst kind of disappointment. The responsible kind.
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawn mower thinking of you
I can't stream porn because Xbox live is taking all the Internet. I thought having a male roommate would make life easier.
So my niece decided to play "lets make shapes out of your bruises" with me and told me that one of them looks like a shark bite. Bravo, sir. Bravo.
WHY IS FOOD SO DELICIOUS
BECAUSE SCIENCE
I got a 5/5 with my "I don't want a baby" rant essay. She said my use of the word "leeches" was a powerful metaphor :)
Should I wear my "kiss me I'm highrish" shirt for my drug screen today?
For a second I thought he was going to give me an intervention
You can't give interventions in a bar!
Sometimes you have good days, sometimes m you delete 360 screenshots off your camera roll.
Unless you want to see me masturbate, I think skype is a no go for now.
HER BOYFRIEND CAME HOME WHILE WE WERE GETTING IT ON IN THE SHOWER
At least you smelled nice while he kicked your ass.
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