I think I won the penis lottery.
So pretty much, I was trying to piece last night together and remembered a point where I was pointing to you heart then touching your face. I'm not sure that I ever translated that to "I like your personality better than your looks" but that's what I meant
I'm playing a drinking game with nyc prep. This will not end well for meeee
Everytime the gay dude pretends he's not gay, drink a cosmo. Everytime the crosseyed girl is crosseyed, kill her
I don't know if you realize how depressing it is to get your card denied....when you're only spending $4.
considering i was high when my dad made me pee in the cup i might fail this one
I think that the winner of this years fantasy football league should get naming rights to you child
It'll be a Christmas-Fucking-Miracle if we get through the ceremony without a groomsman vomming
I can feel the judgmental stares of Christians from around the world right now.
I think I'm a wingman for every guy who bangs a girl I scarred in highschool.
YOU CHEATED ON ME WITH THE WOMAN THAT IS STAYING AT YOUR HOUSE. FORGIVE ME IF IM NOT THINKING YOUR A DEDICATED BOYFRIEND.
He wants to make me arch my back "like I'm having an exorcism". Not sure if I'm turned on or freaked out.
I only drink at bars with bathrooms big enough to have sex in.
How do I explain to work that I woke up in my underwear on a trampoline and that I'm not coming in?
We showed up to the ER to pick him up and I was still wearing face paint from the game. Then I threw up in the sink. Those doctors did not like us at all.
We met behind our asshole boss's back with the intent to oust him from the company. If this revolution is a success, bring nachoes.
Randomize
