it must be christmas time, i've got a hankering to give a virgin a baby....
I SWALLOWED her nuva ring. Please tell me how your night could have been worse.
You know its a good sign when a girl asks who everyone is AFTER she flashes her tits to the room.
You can buy vodka at target here.. Maybe Missouri isn't so bad after all
Noooo. I told you she WAS a cancer. Not that she HAS cancer. This was the one time being a doctor didnt get you laid you alcoholic bastard
What goes on in that head of yours?
Gay sex, for the most part. Why?
Just ate a chocolate chip cookie upside down. This is what having a degree does for you.
I got picked up after "I just threw up in my face". Then I had very specific instructions involving the bathtub.
TOPLESS DRIVE THRU! I have no money and my dignity is at an all time low.
sweating bourbon at client mtg -- you?
Holy shit I've found my last one night stand in my Gran's knitting club
SHE'S PREGNANT AS SHIT, AND I JUSR PEELED A CLEMENTINE TO CHASE SHOTS WITH!! COULD LIFE GET ANY BETTER!?
I can't believe the police had to bring me to my booty call last night
I just asked my mom if I could be the drunk realitive at the reunion. She said as long as I'm not obvious.
He totally just went there for sex cuz he slept in her roommates bed the rest of the night after they were done...
pure definition of booty call.
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