I am so fucking pissed, there are no Shamwows in the As Seen on TV Store.
Looks like you'll have to stick to jizzing in socks.
She's NOT homeless...she graduated early.
he got up in front of the whole lecture hall and yelled that Charlie Brown's Christmas tree was his favorite book in the history of the universe. then he stumbled out the fire exit setting the alarm off. I could've jumped him right then and there.
Is it illegal to masterbate in an airport?
It's spring break, I'm sure it's ok.
Im shrooming at the foot of a tree on top of a mountain. Feeling fly as fuckin socrates and bon iver.
His daughter is our waitress. I left her a ten dollar 'I'm sorry I'm a whore and fucked your dad' tip...
He kept falling asleep with the pizza in his hand. I woke him up and told him and he was shocked because he thought he ate it all. Then he would end up falling asleep and we'd repeat the whole process again.
So hung over, I told one of the candidates she's hired if we can turn the lights off and take a nap instead of doing her interview. I feel like she has potential.
Wait is this black Chris #1, cocaine Chris, or gay Chris?
No this is saxophone Chris
alright well Taco Bell Closes at 12 so you better pray to god she's asleep by then or I'm running in your house butt ass naked with a bag of tacos
I did coke with the Royal Navy last night. God save the queen.
I'm not kidding, he literally jumped in the red panda exhibit. I knew this was gonna be a good birthday.
My vagina just clenched in fear
finals do horrible things to a person. i haven't worn pants since friday
Everyone in Columbus is two degrees of separation from my vagina.
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