Jason just peed on the potty all by himself!!
"omg awesome!, you do realize we aren't together anymore"
I threw up into my coffee this morning.
From now on, just let me go home. I'm tired of hooking up with your roommates... Including you.
Not gonna lie i was comfortable between the allsups air conditioners while you were talking to the cop.
THE MIME IS MIMING TO BUST A MOVE KARAOKE. ALL MIME-RELATED EVENTS DESERVE CAPS LOCK
Please save me from this creative non fiction class. I just wrote a paper about how I spend unhealthy amounts of time with my cat.
I spend unhealthy amounts of time watching RuPaul's Drag Race.
I referred to the cat as amicable.
Free tacos and bad night are never used in the same sentence
Now the circle is complete. Just interviewed a guy who was a higher up member of the team I worked for in my job before this place
Okay... I just said "preach it" to the pokemon theme song. I'm hammered.
He's been watching the World Cup too much because right before he came he screamed "NUT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!" for half a minute. Our landlord is not happy.
The guy that stalks me just looked out his window and saw me in his neighbor's hot tub. Get your shit ready the fraternity wars are starting.
I'm sending you a dick pic. Ill tell the other ppl in this pancheros its cool
Don't send a pic of dick unless it's inside the burrito
You're too drunk for my bullshit, and i'm too sober to put up with yours. I have no idea how you expect to find middle ground here.
Yes please. My parents would fucking love him and I'd love fucking him. That's a win-win if I've ever seen one.
i have a serious question for you... Why I am i not wearing any pants?
Randomize
