I got called a slut by a bunch of girls that work at Hooters..wtf is that shit? explain that to me
I woke up face down on my laptop with three windows open: itunes, chat roulette and redtube
You asked me to be the big spoon, when you passed out on the stairs
He said hes taking shrooms and watching jurassic park so we're making a t-rex costume
we need ur ladder
God I feel like the rain man of hangovers.
After much deliberatipn and vodka, my favourite phrase of Christmas 2012 is "penis of last resort"
I don't know if I want context or not...
Context involves faux incest and champagne. Id go into detail but im on shot number 5.
Dude. You gotta go home. I think I left the snake hanging on the chandelier.
I'm looking at some sugar baby profiles to get some insight on what we're up against.
literally just tried sending to someone a video of me jerkin but my phone was connected to Apple TV and it literally just played on the tv in a full room and I'm actually about to shit myself
dropping lines from Workaholics has slowly become my icebreaker when hitting on girls. who would have thought "lets get weird" would cause girls to actually get weird
I'm by the tree and the Dora the explorer balloon .. Look for the Dora the explorer balloon
I legit just swiped right with a Tinder feminist just to get in an argument with her. Soo that's my Friday night so far...
I'm eating animal crackers on my bed next to my vibrator writing about the hopelessness and depravity of humanity. I am LIVING.
He is married, and has a regrettably large penis. I need to find another one right away to get myself out of this mess.
How big does a penis have to be before it becomes regrettably so?
Why is my belly button ring in my ear
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