Bigbird is at the bar Im at. whats her name
peeing in bathroom at penn station and the homeless man next to me is combing his beard with a fork...god I love new york
You can't motorboat a personality
Just made a Mimosa with Chardonnay and Emergen-C.
apparently when the FedEx truck drove by, we tried to chase it down thinking they were delievering a 30 pack...great night.
I searched the house and found a small bottle of sherry which is probably as old as I am, has prob gone off and tastes like shit. I don't care any more. It has come to this.
I'll try not to. I have an appointment at the hospital tomorrow so my goal is to wake up there.
The reality is I'm 24 and I have terminal breast cancer. Fuck yeah I'm going have sex with every hot guy I can. What, am I gonna worry about getting an STD or pregnant at this point? If I'm gonna die, I want to have any many big dicks as I can while I'm still able.
So do you want to hear how I got the hickey first, or how I got the black eye?
You kept saying we got to find the end of the rainbow, which turned out to be a box of lucky charms and Guinness in the bag of cereal
whatcha doing?
lying in bed pretending to be a slug
My grandma just invited me to gate crash a funeral for the free food. Priorities.
Pillow talk?
can't do it. no eye contact either.
Where have you been all my life
See I just want a dick that I don`t have to deal with or talk to unless it is inside me. Is that so much to ask for?
We blew shit up to. With a cannon.
Randomize
