THAT'LL be a good time.
and i don't know why my phone always capitalizes that word.
He toold me that when we were younger I was his boner buddy.
So then the officer asked you how you were getting home and you told him "very carefully"
i kind of just want to tell my cleaning lady I'm an alcoholic so it's not awkward when I stumble out of my room to go sit in my car for 2 hours and wait for her to finish cleaning the several empty bottles of wine in my room
Because its an amazing idea and you're the only one I can think of that will allow a pirate threesome
Doing tuck and rolls down a stair case was not my brightest idea
When I came in she was screaming "boundaries!" at the cat because it was trying to eat her pizza rolls.
Our brains have an emergency blowjob override switch. You saw proof tonight.
I was so high I told him we should rub faces and pretend to be wombats. He was surprisingly enthusiastic about it.
Just saw a guy with two baby turtles sneaking into the building
Your rough animalistic sex sounds are disrupting my cocktail hour
this makes me concerned. not enough to actually do anything about it, but yeah.
6 more days and it'll be a year since i slept with him and never went home
First morning at school this semester and I threw up in a bush during my walk of shame.
You're a wizard. You are a master of disguise. You are beautiful. I love you.
Randomize
