Steel Reserve is the RC Cola of alcohol. It's never ok.
she gave me a handjob while we were watching elf.... it's that time of year again!!
i don't care what you say, the winery is open and 10am is NOT too early to go barrel tasting
There's a lady here with a big bag of dildos. I'm not sure that's appropriate bar baggage but, I like her style
I just told him he had gained a new brother. He immediately knew I meant the eskimo kind.
It's a journey
And the destination is his penis?
Precisely.
I lost a whole day of my life. Apparemtly I was using my deodrant as a phone. And is my phone there?
My brother didnt wanna sleep with her because she was my friend. Did I miss the memo where we're not supposed to be fucking each others friends? Oh well too late.
Is it bad that I coached my cousins 6 year old boy to steal a 30 rack of keystone out of an unattended cooler at our family reunion, or was I just giving him a social head start in high school? I err on the side of awesome.
My brain and heart say thanks but my vagina isn't super pleased with you right now
This drink tastes like mosquito repellent.
I made soup. Now I'm having post soup making wine. I had pre soup making wine also.
I hate to be the bearer of bad news, but yours is no longer the biggest penis I've seen. It is however, still the prettiest.
And then I was like pick your blow job song and he choose the sonic the hedgehog theme song. If he's not the one no one is.
I'm a history major and he's the descendant of TWO presidents. Did you really think I wasn't going to sleep with him?
Randomize
