At least I can take solace in the fact that with 8 billion some odd people in the world, at least one of them is shitting in their own car right now.
can we please move this conversation out of my vagina?
u ever jackoff with ur legs spread and pretend ur fuckin urself as a girl and get mad u'll never know what that feels like. Or to fly like a bird?
Did u absorb a fraternal twin in the womb?
It's 4PM and I'm finally awake.. I'm covered in dog fur and shame. I'd say it counts as a good night.
I just had to download an app to edit pictures on my new phone. The things I do for sexting...
"Let's chug a beer then make out" doesn't sound as nice, but it would prob make him cum right there.
I like literally had a visual image of his penis going into your soul
She needs sedatives and a leash
although steph and I had 3 bottles of wine by that point and watched an opera that featured a black dildo so anything was possible really
Now accepting any stories about my adventures last night, in particular why my knuckles are bleeding.
Sexual favors are the only currency recognized by the Republic of Greg
My new years resolution is going to be to stop drunk snapchatting old hook ups asking them when we're going to bang again
bring the pregnancy test and the margarita mix, see you in 15
So this is what bad decisions tastes like...
I'm a teacher who's always telling kids about the importance of due diligence, yet I'm eating an avocado out of a coffee filter because I'm too lazy to wash dishes
Randomize
