I accidentally threw away from slim jim and some lady saw me dig it out of the garbage. It was unopened but still, I look so homeless.
Yay Minnesota! I can't believe there's now a US Senator who has taken more acid than we have
He kept saying the best defense against a lion is to punch it in the throat.
the amount of blow i got, New years should last a week.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just don't have "pin the tail on the straight edge" as a party game... Please and thanks...
My god. We'll be gay porn millionaires.
You face planted into a car door. And somehow didn't drop your burrito.
It's basically the same plan, only step one gets revised to "look hot enough that he forgets I fucked his roommate"
We're over by the bouncy castles. I'm the one wearing a baby. Bring Twizzlers.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I don't know how that blunt survived being in your pocket all night but you pulled it out at 4 am in 7/11 and tried to fire it up. Zero fucks given
so, in conclusion, I think his gf found out about the booty pics
After you finished the $300 bottle of wine you just started crying about how if Mulder and Scully didn't invite you to join the x-files your life would be meaningless because you "love that weird shit"
How awkward is it to have the guy you used to sleep with congratulate you on your engagement? I'll tell you. Very.
SPICY FOODS AND BLOWJOBS DON'T MIX.
YOU SAID YOU'D TRY ANYTHING ONCE YOU LIAR
i could only love him more if he was covered in glitter.
Randomize