Think I'm gonna go cougar hunting tonight... Any advice?
condoms and good judgment
Can I buy both of those at the same store?
Should I shave my pubes in the shape of a top hat so I can nickname my junk Abe Lincoln?
Don't worry about later. I already pre-ordered a pizza for a 1:45 delivery and told them to ignore any calls from your number.
You're getting good at this, you know that?
He probably put up nude pics. He seems like that kind of guy.
I want to start this convo out by apologizing for the broken toaster.
Unfortunately hes not a hipster douchebag with no life goals, so naturally I'm not interested.
to improve your porn experience, just imagine a slow speaking older English man narrating it all like a Nature documentary
I am honestly trying to remember his name. All I can remember is that he had a weird mole, a daughter and a lot of cocaine. Please stop letting me pick up at gay night.
It turns out my English teacher used to pose for Playboy. She's an inspiration.
I lost my vibrator temporarily and for some unknown reason my first thought was that you might have stolen it. But then I realized you would never do that because you know it keeps me from killing people. But I am overtired and lacking in faith.
Taking care of drunk people fulfills my need to be a mother
Do you remember the guy that smelled like hot dogs?
Between randomly bursting into tears and the reappearance of my lost sex drive, this break up has left me bizarrely damp.
My mom said "I saw the signs you guys were high, so I made the spaghetti"....so ya, I'd say she definitely knew
It's a combination of amazing uncoordination, bad luck, and sheer determination to cause destruction wherever I go.
Randomize
