he got wood on it!
i know. i had to sit in his lap on the plane. he also wore teva sandals.
...i was talking about hockey
I don't know what you were told but i for sure didn't sleep with any one but steve's couch.
the only thing i knew about you is that u dated jordan and were potentially interested in a threesome
I hid a 6pack in the microwave for later
I knew I liked you
only if we run a train.
done.
First order of business is dropping my 9 am gym class. I'm sweating pure vodka.
And then you gave the bride a high five and said "Go forth and Consummate."
oh my god, just saw a man throw up in a trashcan and blood came out of his nose. HES GETTING ON MY BUS. HES SITTING ACROSS FROM ME. FUCK.
No one would take shots with Caroline so she asked the bartender for like 20 jagerbombs and then shouted "JAGERBOMBS FOR HOMELESS ANIMALS BENEFIT" and everyone started doing them with her
He'd pee in it. And since it's PBR I'd have no idea
So many Oreos I'm regretting this decision already but I'm happy at the same time...The straddle is real
Struggle. Not straddle. I'm not straddling anyone.
All I've been thinking about for the past 12 hours is sex and SEAWORLD
I mean, except for the part where I was vomiting up pineapple and hot sauce, it was a really fun time.
just bought myself a "your about to get violated in every way so you deserve this chipotle" steak bowl.
The blunt fell in the hottub, i mean i knew she was upset but i didnt expect her to dive for it and come up balling her eyes out...
Randomize
