weak ass sauce last night. waste of time. you suck. ps. your boobs are fake
I use a guy for sex and get three minutes out of him. go figure
you were crying and the really sympathetic homeless man offered you a sip of his whiskey. who was i to stop you?
she takes plan B like it's going out of style
over or under 1pm before my bracket is too blurry to read?
Alone. In an inflatable pool. Drinking vodka and raspberry lemonade. I don't need approval as much as I need to know you love me still.
The little penguins are speaking with a hispanic accent. I dont know how to feel about it. Geographically speaking, this cant be possibly. This isnt cool.
There's a skull full of vodka. How bad can it be?
Seriously, it sounds like someone is torturing a dozen cats inside a Japanese techno club while a jamaican yells random hipster words through a megaphone.
I'm going to get like 25 drinks at their wedding and just leave them sitting around or give them to hobos.
What an age we live in that I can try to pick up a guy by using my phone while I'm taking a shit at work.
It's gay softball weekend. Lots of hot gay strangers to go home with.
Nobody feels the need to text me back. Men. And I sent myself a message saying nakedness. I'm all the man I need.
Nothing says hey I wanna be your friend again like ambushing me with a dick pic
I just saw a guy walking up the stairs with his dick out his pants. I let him know, and he just looked down in shock, laughed, and continued walking up the stairs.
Randomize
