i dont know you, but i just did a line with your business card.
there was a 40 knocked over. chips and salsa all over the floor. and she was in her thong doing boot camp on demand in the middle of the room..
stuck in the elevator with that hot guy from the 3rd flood. Worried he can smell my spray tan and desperation
Dude you have to come get or im gonna nail this 64 y/o woman as repayment for buying me shots of jager
I would not be 19 again if you paid me. Guess who found naked pictures of themselves? Fuck cocaine
We established that I was in 5th grade when she was in her final year of grad school. Her daughter is also in 5th grade.
I brought him flowers on my way home from cheating on him. Boyfriend of the year award right here.
This is home. And home is where you find your family. And you try not to make out with your family.
You were asking her how her mother would feel if y'all dated, etc. And I was yelling at you your girlfriends name over and over again in between gags and sobs.
well I've taken an Uber to my weed dealers twice in the past 2 weeks so it's going well since I sold my car
I appreciate your acceptance of my lack of morals
Can my mom come with to the bar? Prince just died and I feel like I need to take her out to cheer her up.
I woke up with a captain's hat on my desk.
Well. I think my red tank top is jinxed. this is now the second time it's gotten jizz on it.
Let's just say when I woke up I was still drunk. My hangover hit me around noon so I chilled w my dad and took a bath and shower at the same time. You just can't do that at college
Randomize
