He jizzed my face. I had to ask for a washcloth. He ran his underwear under the water and handed them to me. Not so romantic.
i just made my mom cry by blowing spit bubbles.
No more Irish car bombs ever.
It was just like old times except for going to hangover throw up before waking my parents up to open presents. Merry Christmas!
The black hole just entered the party man, I can literally see guys starting to move towards her.
I said we should get a taxi and you were waving down cars, three of which were cops and one of them slowed down and shook his head then kept driving
He didn't think we needed a taxi
also karaoke with swedish 7yr old and drunk 50yr old = best idea ever
Because I was drunk or stoned for 4 days. I either made terrible decisions or none at all.
Well I just had a 45 minute conversation with a lady who was drunk off her ass complaining about how her 3 sons won't talk to her anymore. No more dive bars.
Come over. We're getting stoned and watching DogTV
I'm getting a car wash man. I am go get a car wash high.
not sure if destroying him emotionally was worth it but damn it's a fucking hilarious story
I feel a blackout coming on
Plz don't have me burst into your house saying you're late for re airport to rescue you from a fat girl again
That was 2 times
He passed out in my car.
What's the problem?
HE'S STILL IN MY FUCKING CAR.
Long story short I ended up getting choked out by a really hot guy in the girls bathroom at a bar last night
Randomize
