covered in glitter, my cheek hurts, and theres a handprint on my face. Would i do it again. Absolutly
I took my penis out way before I got to the bathroom and some dude kicked me out.
found out the liquor store price matches. thus begins senior year of college
I'm gagging in the liquor aisle just thinking about how much alcohol I'll be drinking this weekend.
And I'm supposed to be surprised that you got another concussion?
shes still here... layin in my bed watching a beyonce concert on tv drinking leftover franzia straight outta the bag and crying
Who would've thought that Monopoly night would've ended with some girl peeing on the couch.
Saying you need a hooker then asking me to have sex is NOT the way to get laid. Booty call 101.
I'm 50% okay with that amount of body contact... plus/minus 7% based on where blood may flow.
Finding an empty bathroom to shit on campus is like the quest for the fucking Holy Grail. Except with more stench and humiliation.
You answered, dry heaved into the phone twice, & then hung up on me.
but seriously, if you see a redhead running down the street tonight in a carrot costume, call 911. He's tripping hard.
Wish me luck. My vagina needs it.
May his noodley appendage touch you.
I can't wait to shower all this regret off of me
I HAVE TOO MICH DICK TALKING TO ME IDK WHAT TO DO.
Randomize
