i just spit dirty mouth water on my dentist. and apparently grinning sheepishly and saying "my b" doesn't make it better
I mean, she is a dancer for the Suns. If I didnt fuck her that would just be bad team spirit.
answer the phone. i thought i was eating cheese but it was butter. i ate a lot of it.
I'm still in shock that he came by my house for five minutes dropped off a Teddy bear and went to the strip club on valentines day
ambylanc
what?
there was an amgbulance. iw ish i was in it.
Yes. Yes. Double yes. I'll bring the tits. You bring the frosting.
I remember nothing of last night, but I did manage to figure out which frats I went to by the trails of straw across campus.
Lest we forget our veterans. Also that two years ago I lost my virginity on this day in a hot tub. Go me for being the worst person on earth.
We could have casual sex if you want. But I can't offer a bromance to a woman.
i woke up with fake boobs glued on my chest and a large black dildo on my hand. then i had to dress myself and walk home. people saw.
I learned a very valuable lesson tonight...don't touch a cops tazer
I am convinced you could sleep through the apocalypse and only wake up because youre hungry & want Dominoes
You made the lady who made your cheeseburger sign the box so that when she got famous you would have her autograph.
I have a bag of frozen peas on my vagina. If you want to talk about real problems.
Hey? Just a hypothetical. You ever accidentally kill somebody's cat on purpose? Like you didn't mean to but it had it coming? If you're wondering it tripped me while I was walking down the stairs and I landed on it as I fell.
Randomize
