Pretty people don't get stds, I knew it
He said he used to draw on the walls with poop when he was a kid.
she was definitely a virgin. no ones that bad unless theyre a virgin
your sister was..
he drank a monster margarita at dinner. had to ask me if it was dollars or minutes that ended in 60.
He's spent his last 3 years working at Urban Outfitters. No, I'm not sad I missed out on a life of mustaches, the dollar menu and shitty scarves.
please stop judging me for buying a handle of soco on a thursday at 10am. it was on sale, i'm thinking of my future.
So if you want this MFM threesome thing to happen the other guy is here and willing
He said he was going to "rock my world". I wonder if he too has a false sense of confidence and accomplishment stemming from a complete lack of honesty from our own female counterparts.
screw it, I'll just be a stripper until next August when then are looking for suitable teachers to teach the future of America. it's like a feel good movie just a little out of order and im a dude.
I'm gonna take off my shirt and spin it around my head like petey Pablo so u can find us
A homeless guy wouldnt accept my granola bar because he didnt have any teeth. I think i win the prize for the ultimate rejection
I forgot to tell you. Your neighbor was walking his tiny dog and saw me crawl out of my jeep drunk vomiting and holding onto my bumper. He just said: morning! all friendly.
There's a pregnant girl taking shots of apple juice
uh why is my bathtub filled with kool aid? or is that blood?
He gave me an ambien and I woke up with a raw chicken bone in my purse. I have no idea why but I hope I put it in his butt
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