plz talk dirty to me
Then he told me I had the most beautiful looking vulva
I just wiped my vajayjay with snow. Bad idea.
Sorry about all the noise last night. We were trying to break bottles by kicking soccer balls at them. If it's any consolation, there's shattered glass and blood all over my kitchen.
So I purposely left a bunch of metal in my pockets so that the smokin hot TSA officer would give me a pat down. Airport security just got fun
I don't think a check that has "thx for the drugs" on the note is really gonna fly.
You know you have a great job when you need a DD home from work at 6pm.
I love waking up with his head head between my legs, it makes me feel special
i just peed with my friends in your backyard... do you still live here
There was a selfie of you in the dark pointing at the camera with a duck face. You sent it to my 60 year old mother with the caption "you behave"
Let's just says his mouth writes a lot of checks that his penis just can't cash. Don't waste your time.
The dominoes guy came back thirty mins later to ask me out. I guess he figures if I'm eating pizza alone I must have gotten dumped
wow bdsm is so cute
according to the calendar even that i put in my phone last night, i'm supposed to fuck shit up at 11am today... i really hope i didn't miss something important
PANTIES FOUND
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