Ooooh. That's not a mole. Uncomfortable.
so i texed my mom when i was trashed last night and said "i know its 3 am, just go to bed and i'll be back by the time we leave for the airport"
Anything crazier than usual happen? I woke up in a stairway with my cock out.
some girl just asked me how to spell unconscious. I really want to know what she was texting.
do you know anything about the $5 bill with my name stapled to it in my purse??
Dude your neighbors are having a garage sale. They were judging me as I walk of shamed back to my car.
It's a good cause. For your vagina.
Hey mom, soo do we have a family lawyer or am I on my own for that?
No, it's cool, I just bounced from the hospital. I was...talking to a security guard, maybe?
I'm going through what feels like a break up with beer. I'm emotionally distraught from it's lack of presence.
But idk if I cried about life then banged him or banged him and then cried. Chicken or the egg?
Good, I would never sleep with your boyfriend , or send you an edible arangment
I just don’t understand what sort of USPS worker wants to take my unitard and sex toys.
Why is my belly button ring in my ear
She's got a shotglass necklace, running down the street asking people to "fill her up". Get here.
Randomize
