dude you just took shreks wife home. what the fuck is wrong with you
when a bears hungry he eats besides shes got her nipples pierced
You told me you were pretty sure you were god because you knew everything about everyone.
I glued a penny on the door Tricia believes its Patrick Swayze haunting our apartment. Fuckin potheads.
I can only be a whore so many days outta the week.
Samesies
As it would turn out, "jesusssssss" is not the password to enter Faith Chapel's wifi network.
I'm at the gas station where we got beef jerky and condoms. The fact that those two are in the same sentence makes me love you more.
drunk her ninja stole one of the pizzas as it arrived and hid all of the pieces in a cereal box in the fridge.Genius.
being a senior sucks, I just started embracing my inner slutty college girl, and it's almost time to put her away...for like, ever. and i really like her.
I feel like we should at least be hungover if we're gonna be this grown up.
Don't worry, I'm preparing for tonight by lining my purse with a garbage bag.
Add caroling to the list of things we need to do in an elevator
Also, I'm kinda hungover this morning and I need to wire money to my lawyer. So this is what adulthood feels like
The only time we had a decent conversation was when he was on acid, and, like, that's not a great start to a relationship.
Its really hard to take a shit when the dog wont stop trying to crawl into your lap
I'm going to draw something on my chest and I need to incorporate my nipples. Any ideas?
Randomize
