you'll never guess what i found when i got home...
a cake, in the toilet
she is like cheap alcohol. you can only get so buzzed before you get sick.
Had her hockey skates on in the house. Whole floor is ruined.
I hurt. I blacked out in a onesie. Reevaluation needs to happen.
Do you know how awkward it is to call the bar from last night and ask if they found my leggings?
just went back to the bar and asked if they found a shoe last night.
I'm still trying to figure out how you came back with chinese food, and a spoon covered in icing saying 'cake..'
Was I shouting at a fire engine last Friday?
He said last night that he'd never had such a great conversation and such a great handjob at the same time.
Our cab driver looks like Kim Jong il, and you're missing a fascinating conversation about Katie wanting to be carbon dated.
You don't know weird until you've had a musical wet dream about your older brother.
You tried to wave to Meg on Family Guy and got upset because she wasn't waving back
Have you ever been up at one in the morning and thought to yourself, "I do not know nearly enough about penguin reproduction"?
And on a positive note i found a list that i made in 3rd grade titled "what to do if you want a guy to like you"
My mom is coming to visit today & it's giving me anxiety. I feel like she can see through me & into the whore I've become.
Randomize
