But I'm halfway naked in a seductive pose! I just want to get this right...
just won a stolen shopping cart in a dance off in a parking lot.
So are you the girl that gave me herpes? or was that the girl from the night before
i should have probably stopped drinking when my beer pong shots were hitting the other team in the face..
yeah thats usually a good indication.
i said good morning to each one of his abs personally
I'm posted up in the bathroom at au bon pain, high as balls, experimenting with eyeshadow combinations and listening to 90s jlo. The girl in the stall next to me just plopped a big one and I laughed, hope I ruined her day
i cant wait to be back in my element of drunk, on a barstool, ive missed home
We are finally out of the honeymoon stage of the relationship because it turns out that you can't come back from peeing on me in your sleep.
I'm in a dress, surrounded by Republicans, and the bartender just told me he's "out of Jack Daniels" in a very accusatory tone. Shit, is it only 8 PM?
I'm putting my hangover kit in my car for the trip to work tomorrow morning. Dedication
Also there's so much vodka on my breath that if I blew on my fingers my nail polish would fall right off
MY GOD DAMN TV STOPS WORKING EVERY TIME I AM THIS FUCKING HIGH. WHY MUST IT TORMENT ME?!
Nothing to be ashamed of. I bet Oprah has sharted.
One of the Mormon boys that comes to the door is really sexy and I always think 'I would absolutely destroy your faith'
If there's someone that knows accidental pantlessness, it's Mike.
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