The dentist just called my mother to confirm the appointment that I made on his answering machine at 4:33 am this morning..
I just heard a girl in all seriousness say, "I told him I'm not a stalker. I just really really want to talk to him."
Thats two for two birthdays where I've gotten the "alcoholism runs in the family" speech
martini and pecan pie.. breakfast of champions.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I had some like war flashbacks of giving someone a handjob and i was trying to figure out who it was.
If you ever find a dick that big chop it off and bring it to me.
P.S. The slutty NASCAR driver costume will be saved and used year round for role play.
I couldn't find my shirt this morning so I stole one from his eight year old sister. Slutted up my outfit quite a bit.
I feel like death crawled up inside me and died. That sick
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
FOund a bunch of old fireworks spring cleaning.
Who is our new insurance provider?
I don't know what happened. His phone, shirt, shoes, and the condom wrapper are here but he isn't. I don't even know how to get a hold of him right now
sorry there isn't a 'perfect ass' emoji
I don't know. I'm drunk and dressed as a pirate but ill do the math tomorrow morning.
New rule. If he's too busy to put the "H" in "what" then I'm too busy to put his D in me.
What's the plan?
Not sure. I think I'll take a dump on his windshield.
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