tfor prom could you pick me up wo bottles of champagne and a condom, please?
So this girl in my math class just went to the bathroom, tampon in hand, comes back with it still in her hand starts digging around in her purse, takes her thing of birthcontrol out, goes oh fuck, and downs the rest of the pills. Got to love college.
All I know is it had something to do with a plunger and tuna salad. I'm done. I'm quitting my job.
I just realized that the music from spongebob is also used in real sex HBO.
I literally sat down and peed with my underwear still on. How does that happen?
She put baby oil on her toes and i am not legally allowed to talk about what happened
I positioned my bed perfectly so around 10 a.m. every morning there are rays of sunshine coming through the window in my room. Now i can tan while PTFO.
you really cant fit homeless dj into your budget? doubles as charity
Put down the bong. Turn off Hey Arnold. Stop calling me football head.
I love you football head
You're a waste of cheezeits
Just remember: We don't tell our English professor about our fetishes unless she specifically asks about them.
But I made it seem like I wasn't hungover at work, so that's a plus.
Yeah just had sex and grub hub came right after he did. I’d say it’s a win.
my personal favorite... An "I'm sorry you broke your finger and cant play sports for awhile" blowjob!
IT'S MY BIRTHDAY. I SHOULDN'T HAVE TO DRIVE 3 HOURS FOR BIRTHDAY SEX.
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