She’s leaving for college so I made her a gift basket with all the essentials. You know- Ramen, a 12 pack of PBR, some leftover Plan B pills and a laminated business card for a good lawyer. Damn I’m a good big sister.
you just used "cock block" and "youth group" in the same sentence. somethings wrong with you.
all you kept yelling was "i'm bored and i'm sober"
he told me he saved a turtle in the middle of the road.. i told him id be over in ten minutes...i mean he deserves a bj after that.
At what point are you a chubby chaser or just desperate for sex?
I'm still trying to decide if it's a complement when he said "I'd like to subscribe to your daddy issues".
Tonight marks the 1 yr anniversary of me waking up in a bush. is that reason enough to celebrate?
I should have been on a postcard. I was sitting in the middle of the forest with a plate full of pot brownies and missing you.
I just got dropped off by that cop that pulled you over. Best sex ever! Consider that $140 ticket my birthday present.
You can't give me tequila around boys who have girlfriends. That ain't new.
listen I need taco bell and an orgasm within the next hour. I'll leave the order in which you provide those things up to you
i look like i'm walk-of-shaming but i'm really showered and re-clothed and rallying. i fool everyone
Hey I didn't mean to come across like I was judging you about your liberal sexual choices. I would like details of your threesome if you need to talk about it!
Actually I learned to fire a 357 Magnum at the age of ten while on my very first period
HER BOYFRIEND CAME HOME WHILE WE WERE GETTING IT ON IN THE SHOWER
At least you smelled nice while he kicked your ass.
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