I just sat in the Taco Bell drive-thru waiting for a trash can to take my order. Yes, that high.
dude, when you're random girl from last night came down the stairs this morning she fell all the way down. I laughed. She just walked out. I hope shes ok. Tell her I give her a 10 for that landing though.
I woke up with $100 in my pocket and I was so excited until I found an atm receipt for a $500 withdrawal. Not as exciting.
I lost my phone so I put sticky notes all over my roommates body asking her to wake me up at 7:00 AM.
You were humming mission impossible as we ran from the cops
He has a landing strip. I repeat he has shaven himself a landing strip. HELPPPP!
You know your in for a great weekend when you buy the booze already in crutches
judging by her collection of mens sweaters, shes fucked the entire lands end catalog.
My cat clawed my face because i tried to give it a foot massage...never doing shrooms again.
i don't remember going ever taking off my pants but my pubes are shaved into a K and kelsey is passed out in the shower.
Trying to put a fitted sheet on drunk is one of the boss levels of slutty adulthood.
Some guy just hit on me and then said, well you look too young to ride the emotional roller coaster and guestured to his dick.
I don't know what the bubonic plague feels like- but I'm gonna guess its something like this.
what happened last night?!
you took a shot and then laid down on our kitchen table and passed out.. then when we tried to move you to the couch you screamed "no! i love tables"
Dude there's ten thousand dollars worth of damage to the kids house and three thousand in stolen property and his dog is missing he is pissed
If I give him back his dog do you think he'll invite me to the next party
Randomize
