Asian hipster sighting. About to tackle him and ask him to take me to chinatown
I wish my penis had an off switch
if he's not good at sex i should be allowed to have sex with someone who is. that's a totally legit statement i think
you missed a midterm to shack? WOW. How desperate are you?
If its vodka, everyone is attractive. Tequila, everyone is dead sexy, single and fuckable.
i just dedicated my kegstand to your breasts
I pissed myself at the bar so I threw away my wet underwear and kept partying... you act you've never done that before
Safe to say I relapsed into my old chatroulette drunk flashing days.
Dude. All those hangovers I never had came back with a vengeance. I just opened the door of this car to barf. The car was not motionless. We are on the autobahn.
If you were a good friend you would take the nipple tassels off me before the ambulance comes.
I cNt phones. tingles in my fingles. jingles
If you're not going to call the girls I bring around by name, at least don't call them by number. It's been cockblocking since girl #47. Dick.
lets do drugs on my lunch break tomorrow
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
I can insert a female catheter, but I cannot grill a cheese.
Randomize
