Report just came out that Tim Tebow is a virgin but I have proof he is not. He's bent Florida State over the last four years in a row.
You totally narrated your dogs thoughts for 2 and a half hours last night, and I was enthralled. I didn't say one word, I just listened.
literally every day that goes by where he doesn't talk to me makes me more determined to get him to have sex with me
HOnestly. That's my one goal for this whole trip. I don't give a shit about souvenirs or sand. I want penis.
lets grab drinks (in a friendly, not super awkward because ive eaten your ass kind of way) sometime soon
wow.
I just found out my mom named me after her fake ID from college...
I pissed myself at the bar so I threw away my wet underwear and kept partying... you act you've never done that before
Girl just walked into the bar with a T-shirt that says "I'm not Irish, kiss me anyways." Target aquired.
What kind of life do I lead that no one is surprised by the fact that I was watching porn at work with the hot 37 year old?
My day in three words: secret purse cake
Yeah I mean subtle isn't how I'd describe your flirtation strategy last night
We hooked up last night. I think it was great for our friendship.
In my defense, there are at least three ways to die doing that, and I'm still here. America, Fuck Yeah!
My vagina is the only part of me that is pleased you lived through last night.
Man I just realized that my only life problem right now is that I have to convince myself not to fuck a 19-y-o
Randomize
