I remember why I come home for the holidays. Sam Adams is the cheapest beer in the fridge
Cumming on a girls face is guy code for you're not wife material.
okay, please tell me Cammy is the one who put the picture and note on my desk saying "beat off to this homeboy"
Woke up today to the sound of church bells. My first thought was shit the apocalypse, but then I remembered my hook up lives next to a church. This might be a rough day.
Also I found and fixed my beer gun.
cops woke me up on the sidewalk and asked where my shoes are.. fuck if i know, im sleeping on the sidewalk! actually i didnt say that, i just cried until they gave me a ride home.
I will have to bone him sometime between now and July so he will move all my shit again
when a dude sends me an unwanted dick pic I just send him a picture of a nicer one. A more photogenic one. A dick with a future.
lets go to sea world and you can just hit on every guy in a wetsuit until you get lucky
returning from a 6am booty call in 2 feet of snow on a Tuesday is a bold new kind of low for me
So... How much of our rent is drug money?
Last night was a whirlwind of vodka - induced emotion
What started out as a one night stand ended in him texting me the next day, saying he thought he was gay.
Certain restrictions may apply. Common side effects of sex with me include unbridled joy, a healthy glow, soreness and the inability to walk for short to long amounts of time. If any of these side effects occur please consult your physician, so he/she can prescribe me a "high-five".
i love you and all, but can that be the last orgy with your wife?
Randomize
