ok shes still asleep, should i pee on her and say she did it herself? and by the time you respond to this ill probably have already made the decision
My drunk dialing habit needs to go. My drunk habit can stay though.
i hope chris hansen doesn't have a boat
checking your phone to see who you drunk dialed last night isnt as funny when you see you had a 17 minute call to your dad.
Walked into the bar with my burrito and ordered a round of shots for everyone. Not sure if I want to look at the credit card statement.
u got into a flexing contest with a dude in bathroom in the mirror at the club
the ladder is at the bottom of the pool
A stranger just came up to me and asked why I hadn't texted him, and if he was just a one night stand. I live for these moments.
Tid bit for you to add to your "what to expecting when you're expecting to lose your virginity" book... Sex on nyquil is cheaper and BETTER than sex on esctacy AND you sleep like a champ after so you're not able to think about any bad decisions made.
I got high with the cantor. Rethinking this whole non-practicing Jew thing.
Well, our assistant supervisor caught us on the back stairs...he invited us on a double date with his fiance and him. I guess our job approves of the relationship?
She looks like a beluga.
I want to splash her with water and when she screams say "I didn't want you to die. You looked parched"
I just set an alarm for 5 am tomorrow morning titled "Wake and Bake Its Christmas motherfucker"
he was really really nice, and I did coke off of his dong that night too
Welcome aboard the S.S. struggle. I'll be your captain for today's voyage and Jeremy is your first mate. Just sit back and relax while we navigate the seas of drunken regret. Your forecast for the day is violently hungover with a chance of "shit, that really did happen!"
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