i'm so bored i'm watching porn for fun. not even jacking off or anything. just watching.
I never want a future conversation of ours to include the words "quart of semen" in it
he wanted to have sex on the little rocking chair but i was too high to figure out how to do that so we did it on the floor.
he'll be my respectable boyfriend for tksgiving and i'll be his non-slutty girlfriend for christmas.
and then ....
he stays my gay friend and my parents think i'm not a slut.
You don't forget tits like those, even if you are vegas drunk.
It got to the point that I had to make flashcards with their name on the front and dick pics on the back.
Thank God I did Vegas bombs with those cops at their Christmas party. We should so be in jail.
passed a homeless guy with a sign that read "420 vetran" we gave him a bowl of bud
Also, you tried to make me learn all of the presidents, in order, with a picture book as an aid. At 4 am. What the fuck?
My goal is to go an entire semester without cocaine. That's an adult goal right?
Peeling duct tape off of my dick is definitely one of the stranger sensations that I've experienced.
We woke up at 7:30am. We got a 30 rack, yelled at all the freshman shackers walkin back to their dorms, played a game of beer die, and boned all before 11:00am. I found my soulmate
You just get me
I'm the wind beneath your wings, bitch
I'd still fuck that
You'd fuck a dead moose
Quite possible
Sorry didnt text you yesterday. had to put restraining order on my ex.
Randomize
