No. I broke it. Note to self, never take a shower with your phone in your pocket.
This pizza tastes like mashed potatoes. HOW HIGH DO YOU THINK I AM?
Like... Chilling at home with a movie, hang out? Or have sexual intercourse in the backseat if his car, hang out?
I AM THE KING OF THE FRESHMEN
how did i know this would happen?
In the UK. Bar special, every drink costs a pound. I'm two shots away from being deported. God save the queen.
I have a surprise for you guys
What is it?
A MOTHER FUCKING SURPRISE DON'T ASK QUESTIONS
So note to self oboe reeds soaked in Apple Rubinoff sound GREAT.
Then, she put flavored warming oil on my dick and was amazed when something she bought FROM SPENCER'S almost burned my dick off.
Commuter bitches be judging your sister and her bag fulla wine. It's a motherfucking rosé, bitch!
I mean, as I was vomiting in front of a giant crucifix I became acutely aware of my poor choices
at least its a cool name to shout when he's balls deep in you later
ok so i got home drunk and was cleaning my kitchen and i was shaking out the throw rug and dropped it out the window, i'm sorry
i found you laying on the floor staring at the ceiling and you kept muttering "why" in various inflections.
I love that we can live in a world where I can Google "Harry Potter lizard" and an illustration for my dream pops up
He pulled out a Plan B pill and handed it to me as I left like it was a party favor. God Bless America.
Randomize
