If I was on drugs, this would be amazing
Why do guys in porn never have boxers on?
better question: why do you always text me when you're watching porn
Just woke up. My philosophy paper is a play, and my paper for musical theater is about physics. That's some dank shit you sold me
Did the math... it's Magna Cum Laude whether I get a 4.0 or a 0.0 this semester. I'm blacking out now, wake me up when I have to walk across the stage,
I have pictures of you taking tequila shots off the front of the police car when the cop wasn't looking.
it was either a cry for help or you were gargling vodka. we didnt care either way.
Plan B, arranged marriage to a rich Indian, is rapidly becoming Plan A. Fuck Finals.
I can't thank you enough for the well-timed blowjob. What a huge improvement in my outlook on the day.
I have to pee in a cup in the morning and they are going to say....you just peed a miller light. I'm going to hang my head in shame and say yes...yes I did.
30 year old woman with braces and crocs came into the store today with her boyfriend. what am I doing wrong.
I slept through 4/20 and my roommates bought an entire ham that's just sitting in the fridge...
I just interrupted this girl giving a dude head in a parked car on the south side. Going down on your guy while you're parked in front of your house because you don't want your parents catching you is fine by me, just don't block the fire hydrant.
Between fucking and sleeping I woke up missing four out of five of the earrings I was wearing. It's like a star rating system. I had to give him props.
I'm going to tell you a beautiful word.
Fellatio.
apparently ive been in a long term relationship for the past 1 1/2 years w/ out knowing
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