So I fucked an Aussie broad with huge feeders last nite 2x... Before banging her she was blowin me & I thought: "SHE IS GOIN DOWN-UNDER ON ME". Laughed out loud
Do you think an esthetician would be willing to wax the Chanel Cs into my crotch? That way, whenever a guy gets ready to pound on it I can go "Careful, it's Chanel."
spell your last name, im trying to find you on facebook
for our anniversary he stepped it up a notch and bought cool whip rather than the store brand. i was impressed.
Oh I also wanted to thank you for leaving your list of porn sites on the coffee table. Very entertaining.
Only I would come home from a random banging with beer and watermelon
you duct taped a twenty to your thigh just in case and passed out.
I make your heart skip a beat like that pivotal moment when you open a public toilet lid
he does have a point though, watching you drink makes me never want to drink again
We're having a serious conversation and I just responded to something he said with an emoticon. I am so baked.
Great. Now I have to produce, edit and leak a sex tape before Saturday. Fundraising is hard.
I'm gonna be the best dressed mother fucker to ever get kicked out of that damn bar.
I didn't even know his name until he texted me the next day and told me I should take a plan B pill. Thanks Danny.
Almost gave the delivery guy a 34 dollar tip. That high
I thought it was your cat but I was wrong your Roomba is possessed by a pissed-off evil spirit.
Randomize
