My relationship with VH1 is so bittersweet
Yeaaah, so cabbie laughed at me, and said, "rough nite? Let me find you some music" . apparently OPP is the appropriate ride of shame soundtrack.
Birthday Coupon: This text is good for alteast 3 hours of Birthday Sex. Redeamable any time, anywhere, and any style.
She found 60 bucks at the strip club. Its probabably been in a vagina but really most money probably has
The only good thing about this is that the pharmacy guy will stop trying to add me on Facebook.
trapped on the roof of the strip club. help
He took the bartender's challenge and took a Jello shot with a tarantula frozen inside.
Okay I take that back some girl just said pussy sweat. Get me outta here
I got a lap dance from a guy last night dressed as a school girl. Heels and all. His heels got stuck in my fish nets
I just saw a bunch of drunk old guys riding on the side of a modified old fire truck yelling at cars and smoking while they looked for parking...promise we will be just like them when we grow up?
I'm craigslisting fire trucks as we speak
Oh and apparently something happened that was related to "THIS IS SPARTA" but no one will tell me what I did.
So I'm going to blame my boobs hurting on that.
Just smoked the bong while taking a dump. I love living by myself.
returning from a 6am booty call in 2 feet of snow on a Tuesday is a bold new kind of low for me
On another note I never thought having a drug addicted stalker would prove useful
Pro tip: When you spend the afternoon banging your boss, don’t meet your mother-in-law for dinner if you still smell like cum and watermelon flavored lube
Randomize
